Haunted Dreams

I really hate it because every week, I feel like I have a dream about you. It feels like it happens quite often and I always wake up with a dreaded feeling. I can't really recall the one that just happened right now, but I feel terrible. I think about not wanting to be friends with you anymore because it's just so hard for me. How can I be friends while letting myself feel all the hurt because I can't even deal with my feelings for you? I'm just running away from them every day and then it catches up to me at night. I don't want to lose you though as a friend so I don't want to just text you and say that I can't do it anymore. But I'm pretty tired of these dreams. I don't know what it is but it's as if you leave me in these dreams. I've come to the point where it felt like I forced myself to wake up just now because I couldn't deal with leaving you or you leaving me. I think it was you leaving me. I'm so tired and though most nights, I don't dream, or I don't remember what I've dreamed of, I feel so tired when I wake up...it makes me think that maybe it's because I dreamed of you leaving. Because that's what I feel like right now. I'm so heavy-chested and I wake up breathing heavily. My eyes hurt. I just want this to go away. I don't want to be afraid of you leaving. I just want to be friends and have you walk by my side. I don't want to have to keep fighting just to talk to you. Please Derek. I hope you somehow know to fight for me too.