Finally
So as you guys know, I haven't been able to be on and blog much, but here I am....suppose to be doing my Poetry essay/history notebook, but I think I should write whatever I can b4 I forget some of the most wonderful/terrible things that have happened. This is probably going to take me like 2-3 more or more. So near Valentine's &Tet [Feb. 14], I was doing a lot of planning....it was a busy-ass week. I remembered I planned to send 5 Valentine grams that I designed myself, to P.N. However, I heard from him that he has a Valentine....and I thought things through. I didn't really like P.N. We're more like just good friends &that's true :)......But then there's this other guy. It's really confusing cause at this time...I liked two guys. I liked D.L. so much more though...wayy in the beginning of the year, but I hid my feelings for him &no one really knew at that time except JenniferL. I hid it because it was nice how I was able to talk to him so comfortably &even flirt? :] So I didn't want to lose that comfort-ness...just not yet. Anyway, I realized that I was nowhere near close to having a crush on P.N., but by this time...I already turned in the Valentine grams to Ms Wu [my Eng. teacher]. I think it was on a Thurs? Fri? afterschool...I went to Wu's room with Betty...even though I was nervous/scared that I was going to do the wrong thing, but I went anyway. I asked Ms. Wu if I could change the receiver and she let me...so Betty was helping me change the names/classes/to on all 5 grams...a lot of work. Especially...we had to make sure it didn't still say P.N.'s name XD. Then on the day that they sent out the grams...I was like muymuymuy nervioso. Freaking out. Seriously XD ahah. But by the end of the day, I had forgotten about it until afterschool. I remembered that on that day, I stayed at school late and D.L. had tennis practice. He called me around 4ish? and at this time, I just got my new phone so I didn't have his number yet. However, it's so amazing to me, how I could just tell that it's his voice wherever I am. So I don't really know if this is exactly what he said, but it goes something like this: "oh uhm, could I come and give you a visit right now?" Well obviously I said yes and Taylor/Katie and some others were there. AGAIN I was freaking out xD ahah. I tend to do that a lot when I'm nervous. In a few, he comes and he's like "can we talk" and yeah that's not sucha good description of what happened....but in my mind, I'm sure of what happened :]...really vivid. &it made my frickin like day/nite/weekend....I can just tell you that he gave me 3 hugs. ^-^ 3 hugs that I really really liked and he said that I made him feel really special that day. Btw, I never knew he was like muscular...probably from tennis, but I just never knew! Until I got to hug him xD. Honestly, I don't hug much of guys, and it always feels so awk for me, but for him...I wanted more hugs..hehe x) Anyway, so that was that......&maybee I did make a wrong choice[explain later]? I also, kinda, lied to him. He was pretty close to me at that time...knew who I liked, P.N. &some anonymoous guy I liked more, and he asked why I didn't send it to the guy I liked more [he didn't know at that time that it was him].....so I lied and said "no it's ok" - what kind of an answer is that?!?! I shoulda said that I did send it to him and he received it :). But darn me, I was too afraid of losing that connection with D.L., that I lied. After he left and went back to tennis, I quickly realized that I made the wrong choice & I DO mean quickly...made my mind in like 3 secs after he walked away. I shouldn't have lied....out of all the times....when I've talked to him, I've told him the complete truth, but now I chose to lie and I felt guilty. It didn't feel right, not with him. I went to go find him with Taylor, but couldn't see him anywhere and I called him...he said he was at the tennis courts.....So I decided to just call him later again and tell him the truth in a voicemsg. Later that day, I just couldn't do it even though I practiced what to say over and over. Just too nervous. My voice will sound weird and shaky xD. So I didn't and he was on aim so I just told him on there. It wasn't good or bad, just what I kind of expected. He obviously just wanted to focus on school and stuff and told me that it was admirable of me after I said something...but I forgot what I had said. That just totally made me smile. Even though, it is not like...I LIKEYOU TOO....idc :] I'm just glad he's not avoiding me....I think. It's weird though how some ppl think that just cause you confess to them...they think you want them to be their bf/gf....it sometimes doesn't go that way, esp not with me. I just like to tell people my feelings &hope that they know I appreciate them for who they are. I don't go after guys for looks.....yeah, I might be like "OMG THAT GUY'S FRICKING HOTT", but frankly, I date guys for their personality and D.L. has a great personality with a great mind...I really admire that ;). GET THAT THROUGH LOL. I DON'T LIKE GUYS FOR LOOKS, NOT EVEN 100 OR 50%.
Next new story is on the 24th? I don't remember...but before my birthday, Betty moves away. That day at school, we all planned to wear dresses even though it was like freezing...only Christy, Jackie, and me wore it. Betty gave me a purple dress that week so I wore it for her. I really liked it and I actually liked my body in that dress....I promised her I'll wear it to something special like a dance with a date or something. Doubt that it will happen though because I probably won't have a dance with someone I really like. So anyway, I sang for her "I'm always me when I'm with you" by Taylor Swift. I think that's the name of the song o.o ....LOL such bad memory. Forgive me, but it's been like a month xD...or so it seems. Just know that...me, katie, christy, and jackiee had alota drama around this time, after betty left. Not good, but we got it cleared. &you know....I get so annoyed of BrianT nowadays. At first I thought his personality was cute, but da to day, things get outta hand and I just dislike what he does so much...it's like he acts gay to take advantage of us girls, but Idunno forsure. So anyway, I'm just confessing......don't go rumoring that I'm talkin shizz on people cause I'm not. If I wanted to, I'm better than that...could just go face to face and tell him if I wanted to.
Then, this week...is so busy...so much homework, events, etc. No time for myself..I want to redo my nails/eyebrows/etc and everything....just relax. On my birthday I didn't even get to relax. I ended up fucking cleaning up my whole room. They had confetti and went crazy with it. Diana and Anh were like fighting, pulling pants, shirts off. Crazy shizz. I was really tired, and I'm pretty sure Tasi thought it was boring, but oh wells...next year I'm only inviting a few people that are really really really close to me.
Then there's this guy...D.N. He like really loves me. I think I have feelings for him too......Idk, but I just have so much more feelings for D.L. then D.N. .....Gosh, I just realized...I like many guys with names that start with D's xD. So confusing. I don't want to hurt myself, but D.N. is so nice and sweet, but he lives in like Arcadia and that's a long distance...after my recent ex, I made a promise with Betty, then Jenny, that we vow to never have a long distance relationship ever again because it's just going to do us more damage....but then there's D.N. I dont want to hurt him either, but I don't know what to do. I'm so mixed with my feelings. It's like ehh. There was a Hope for Haiti gram at school. D.L. sent me one. At the moment I was so happy, it just made my day. It all made sense: why Ms. Wu asked me such weird questions like "are you dating ....? are you hitting on ....? is he hittin on you? do you guys hang out?" too bad all I could answer to that was no. I also realized that day that I liked D.L. more.......wayway more. But D.N. is sucha great guy. D: WTH AM I SUPPOSE TO DO??
Well, it's been like 2 hrs and more...gonna go finish my hr. Byebyee :] gonna try to blog more. Btw, check out my school's viet club website and rate it:
I designed it with RichardM since we are the new historians :] ....like it?
ask some questions too: http://www.formspring.me/isowhornaayy
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