-sigh- One of those days

It's one of those days where I feel like crapp. I don't know why. There's nothing really to name why I feel like this and I just wish I had a boyfriend. Not the desperate way where you're like OMG I WANT/NEED A BOYFRIEND SO BADD. No. Not like that. Like I hear my friend JohnL and his girlfriend...they're so cute...I have to say. I wish my life was at least a bit of that much more interesting. Then those couples on the street kissing and being all lovey dovey....can you please get a room? It's not like you're going to do anything bad, it's just that there's people out there like me who have no "special someone" next to them atm. Personally, it makes me jealous...jealous that I can't be like that. That I have no one to cuddle with. No one to hold, kiss, hug, share secrets, tell stories, rely on, and so forth..I don't mind seeing couples, but sometimes when I take the time to think...It makes me feel...lonely....and as you guys might know how I like this guy. Well....I'm trying [not to win his heart, but] to get his attention and make him notice that there's someone out there who sees him as her knight in shining armor. Well how I'm feeling right now...I don't feel optimistic. I feel like my mentor is right:

"You're barking at the wrong tree."

Maybee I am...someone needs to convince me that I'm not...and usually that would be myself, but idunno. I feel unprepared and hopeless, and just plain stupid. I'm so sure that he doesn't like me. He doesn't treat me "special"...-sigh- nothing like that...and I feel like I'm just scaring him? Maybee? I don't know. I don't want to scare him...I want him to just be like "awwwww, she did this??? That's so cute and sweet of her!" But what the heck am I thinking..it's not going to work...that's why I keep telling myself to expect less so when you fall...you don't crash and burn as much..just a little, enough to pick yourself up again.

-sigh- Life is complicated...I wonder when I could REALLY relax.