Someone's been backstabbing me a lot lately
My parents have been fighting so much lately. Sometimes my dad would say that no one loves him...just like how my mom says it. Dad...I understand it's been hard for you, but it's not true. We all love you.
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People ask me why can't I write as much as I do before...there's nothing to write about. Well there is. A lot actually...just no right words to put them in. Too much to explain. Too much for you guys to handle...too much to show you guys that I'm not strong. I don't want that. I am strong.
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My dear friend that's been feeling like how I feel. To be honest, I haven't been over the phase or funk or whatever people think it is. It's just that I put school first and that's all I've been focusing on. I don't want you to be hurt...and I want you to get better. I want you to talk to people and get it over with. It's never healthy to not understand why you feel like that. I still don't know why I feel the way I feel. but I'm trying to understand. There's more to me than I would have thought. I should be studying for APWH chap. 1-6, but I can't remember much. Arg.
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Mom doesn't understand me. She always yells at me. She always does....she loves me. I know, but she doesn't love us equally. I know that too.
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Anyway, today you showed me the convo...it made me angry. Angry at him. You might not see why, but there's so many ways to be angry....He doesn't show that he cares....he doesn't even really really try.....He knows that a lot of girls like him and he makes it as if NONE likes him...He knows that these girls want him, but he plays them, not to their face....He still hasn't told me he doesn't like me...when will he confront this and end it? Just because I know already doesn't mean he shouldn't tell me. On his part..he still has to. I'm still waiting. I felt a bit jealous too I guess? He talks to you and I haven't been, but I don't mind. I don't like him. He told you that he hates it when girls that like him tell him to make a convo. I really don't like that. Why? Mann....You tell me to "entertain [you]" and okay...I shall make a damn thing to talk about, but what do I get in return? Fucking short replies that go to nowhere. How the fuck do you expect me to make something out of that? I'm not like godly and cannot be able to please you 24/7 and entertain you. I'm pretty sure...it's all these girls that are into you[r looks] that try to make convos and you know they're into you, but you don't try...you're playing with each and every girl's mind/heart. No wonder...at the beginning...you told me you were upset about people calling you a manwhore...I get it now. I don't need to say much on that part, but I totally see why they would call you that. You just have "looks"...you are "talented"...but if you can't put out at least more effort...I don't know how it will be like for you. It just makes me really angry that you think you give it your all when all you do is sit on your computer and have nothing to do.
I might not be able to surf, swim, play tennis well, dance, do pen tricks, play guitar/piano, skateboard, have the looks, but I can give my heart to someone and love them. I can put effort into people I care about. I love people and I will make the effort because it's worth it all in the end. I might not be an officer of many clubs, but I do community service out of love, not because I have to. I only go when I can and want to on my own will. I will never do what I did before. I will never two time because I'm hurt and I shall stand up to those that put me down. It will always be the first step to making yourself a better person you guys...you always have to put yourself with people that care for you too...to show you how to care for yourself. If no one cares for you...you have to care for yourself because if you can't do that for yourself...then how can others start to help you?
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I don't know who I like. I keep going back on what Jenny said at HC...."Goodluck with [______]". What does it mean? I don't think he likes me...unless he told you, but I don't think so..there's no way...
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Most people who read my blog think...damn, she complains a shit load and her life is like so bad [not as bad as others, but still pretty ugh]. Please know..this is my blog...I write what I want...I usually write when I'm not happy so you shall get a lot of crap. I don't like to complain and I hate pity. Complaining is "why isn't life fair?" I am not asking that..I am putting all of the things happening down so one day...I can look back and see how it was like back in the days. Thank you.
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I can also sense that lately, someone's been talking bad about me. Ehh.....have funn wasting your time on me.
_________________________________________
People ask me why can't I write as much as I do before...there's nothing to write about. Well there is. A lot actually...just no right words to put them in. Too much to explain. Too much for you guys to handle...too much to show you guys that I'm not strong. I don't want that. I am strong.
_________________________________________
My dear friend that's been feeling like how I feel. To be honest, I haven't been over the phase or funk or whatever people think it is. It's just that I put school first and that's all I've been focusing on. I don't want you to be hurt...and I want you to get better. I want you to talk to people and get it over with. It's never healthy to not understand why you feel like that. I still don't know why I feel the way I feel. but I'm trying to understand. There's more to me than I would have thought. I should be studying for APWH chap. 1-6, but I can't remember much. Arg.
_________________________________________
Mom doesn't understand me. She always yells at me. She always does....she loves me. I know, but she doesn't love us equally. I know that too.
_________________________________________
Anyway, today you showed me the convo...it made me angry. Angry at him. You might not see why, but there's so many ways to be angry....He doesn't show that he cares....he doesn't even really really try.....He knows that a lot of girls like him and he makes it as if NONE likes him...He knows that these girls want him, but he plays them, not to their face....He still hasn't told me he doesn't like me...when will he confront this and end it? Just because I know already doesn't mean he shouldn't tell me. On his part..he still has to. I'm still waiting. I felt a bit jealous too I guess? He talks to you and I haven't been, but I don't mind. I don't like him. He told you that he hates it when girls that like him tell him to make a convo. I really don't like that. Why? Mann....You tell me to "entertain [you]" and okay...I shall make a damn thing to talk about, but what do I get in return? Fucking short replies that go to nowhere. How the fuck do you expect me to make something out of that? I'm not like godly and cannot be able to please you 24/7 and entertain you. I'm pretty sure...it's all these girls that are into you[r looks] that try to make convos and you know they're into you, but you don't try...you're playing with each and every girl's mind/heart. No wonder...at the beginning...you told me you were upset about people calling you a manwhore...I get it now. I don't need to say much on that part, but I totally see why they would call you that. You just have "looks"...you are "talented"...but if you can't put out at least more effort...I don't know how it will be like for you. It just makes me really angry that you think you give it your all when all you do is sit on your computer and have nothing to do.
I might not be able to surf, swim, play tennis well, dance, do pen tricks, play guitar/piano, skateboard, have the looks, but I can give my heart to someone and love them. I can put effort into people I care about. I love people and I will make the effort because it's worth it all in the end. I might not be an officer of many clubs, but I do community service out of love, not because I have to. I only go when I can and want to on my own will. I will never do what I did before. I will never two time because I'm hurt and I shall stand up to those that put me down. It will always be the first step to making yourself a better person you guys...you always have to put yourself with people that care for you too...to show you how to care for yourself. If no one cares for you...you have to care for yourself because if you can't do that for yourself...then how can others start to help you?
_________________________________________
I don't know who I like. I keep going back on what Jenny said at HC...."Goodluck with [______]". What does it mean? I don't think he likes me...unless he told you, but I don't think so..there's no way...
_________________________________________
Most people who read my blog think...damn, she complains a shit load and her life is like so bad [not as bad as others, but still pretty ugh]. Please know..this is my blog...I write what I want...I usually write when I'm not happy so you shall get a lot of crap. I don't like to complain and I hate pity. Complaining is "why isn't life fair?" I am not asking that..I am putting all of the things happening down so one day...I can look back and see how it was like back in the days. Thank you.
__________________________________________
I can also sense that lately, someone's been talking bad about me. Ehh.....have funn wasting your time on me.
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