I'm So Stupid
I know he'll never feel the way I feel towards him. I've never tried as hard as I did for him. I can't just let go and do what people say. It's not that easy. I'm trying my hardest. You don't even know. I avoid thinking about him all day. When he pops up in my mind, I tell myself to stop and think about other things. I can't always do it though...especially at night because I have more time and I'm just tired of doing hw so my mind wanders. I don't know why I cry. I shouldn't be crying. It's so dumb. I can't lie to myself, yet I do it everyday...I think the most happiest thoughts ever and I smile and everything. I tell myself...looking in the mirror that I'll be strong on my own. I got this. But I want someone to be there with me. I'm tired of being alone. I'm hurt. I can't focus on hw and I got an FRQ tmr...I just want one guy and yet I can't have him. Stop telling me to let go. I know I have to, but I can't. Not yet. I put so much time and effort and you tell me to just let go like that? I can't because that's just like saying he didn't mean anything to me so everything I did was worthless. He's not a jerk. He's so sweet and I wish I could show you how much he means to me, but I wouldn't want anyone else to know how amazing he is.
Sadly though, I just texted him awhile ago because he lost his contacts and well he thought I was Sabrina. Geez well that didn't hurt at all.
Sometimes I think I'm so good at numbing the pain...I'm also good at feeling all of the pain. So when I let the feeling come back, it hurts like 10x's more than usual. Sadly, time won't stop for me to just lay down and cry or something. I'm sick of school. I'm sick of people. I don't hate the world, but I hate how it's run and how people are so damn complicated. I'm so complicated. I hate it. And sometimes I wanna throw my phone so badly, but I can't because it's like expensive and I need that shit. Fuck. I'm tired mentally of all this. I wish I didn't have feelings. I wish I never met him. I wish I didn't like him. I wish I didn't get jealous and get hurt so easily and the fact that I can hide it from them so easily. I wish my heart didn't feel like it's about to burst out or that feeling when you want to cry, but you can't...so it's just like there..
Sadly though, I just texted him awhile ago because he lost his contacts and well he thought I was Sabrina. Geez well that didn't hurt at all.
Sometimes I think I'm so good at numbing the pain...I'm also good at feeling all of the pain. So when I let the feeling come back, it hurts like 10x's more than usual. Sadly, time won't stop for me to just lay down and cry or something. I'm sick of school. I'm sick of people. I don't hate the world, but I hate how it's run and how people are so damn complicated. I'm so complicated. I hate it. And sometimes I wanna throw my phone so badly, but I can't because it's like expensive and I need that shit. Fuck. I'm tired mentally of all this. I wish I didn't have feelings. I wish I never met him. I wish I didn't like him. I wish I didn't get jealous and get hurt so easily and the fact that I can hide it from them so easily. I wish my heart didn't feel like it's about to burst out or that feeling when you want to cry, but you can't...so it's just like there..
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