Bad Week
So this Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I had driving lessons. The first two days, I actually was okay with it. Really confusing though and by the third day...it was just shit. It was like 8 am until 5 pm literally because it took so long to practice, wait for the new instructor, drive to Irvine's DMV, get used to the route, than sign up and wait to test and fail that shit...Then I had to listen to the shit and hear why I was wrong and then have my instructor put that in my face. So I cried in front of him and it probably scared him, but idgaf. I tired and I didn't even get points deducted, I was DQ...disqualified....because of stupid shit THAT I DID DO. I REALLY DID. I think he couldn't see my eyes or something or because it was REALLY hot. Fuck, I don't know. I cried sitting in the DMV. Everyone asks if I'm okay and called and it doesn't make it any better to tell people that you didn't pass even though everyone expected that. I hate it because I have to retake my written test again and then go AGAIN with the instructors that I don't like, to take the driving test again. It's such a waste of a day and I drove that whole day...It is so tiring...and my back ached. I ate at 6/7ish before I left and I didn't get to eat until 5. We were actually back in the OC at 4, but we had to take the other two testers home too [whom failed with me]. Fucking tester.....well I got a bad headache, and man....I have to pay $31 more to retake my written test and $220 for the rest of the stupid ass Asian class that only wants to rip off people's money. I hate Asians and their no-sense of caring for anyone else, but for their family and getting money in any way they can.
Then today was nice. I hung out with Tasi for her birthday, but the day actually wasn't good. My headache got really bad, and came home to know Yellow wasn't doing fine at all. She wasn't getting better, and it's so sad to see her suffer. She just couldn't move her body, but she wanted to stand up so she would use her beak and try with everything to move out to her cage, but it just didn't work. She slept, and awhile ago, I tried to feed her food, and my mom tried to give her water, but it went in her nose and she died. It's so sad, she suffered for 9 long hours and I know it's sad to suffocate and not be able to breathe, but at least she's gone now and not still lying limp, trying to live. It was creepy how my brother was like she's gone, and right then, the clock rang for 9 PM. My clock plays songs each time it rings, and it was like ringing for her. I laughed. I was like "I'm sorry. I don't know why it's so funny." You would think it's cruel, but it's not my fault. I don't know why I laughed. And then it was just me and my little sister looking at her, and she said she was hoping it would die peacefully in it's sleep, but I just told her that at least she's not suffering anymore. We looked at how her beak and feet turned all white, not pink anymore. And then I teared up.
I think I'm those people that would not be able to take in a death if I don't witness it. Even then, when I witnessed it, I couldn't believe it. It was so cute and fluffy, only two months and ten days old....and now it's gone...It couldn't even experience flight...I couldn't even touch it. I think I just laugh at it because it seems so ridiculous to me, but I know that I loved that bird. I really cared for it, just as I cared for the Blue one. -sigh- For all I laugh, it's only my brain reacting to protect myself, and in the end, I still end up tearing up. I think my brother even cried in his room for a bit when he left my little sister and me because his eyes seemed teary when he came back out to see. What a horrible week. I wish it was over and that I got my license already. Or at least will get it. Please. May you rest in peace Yellow.
August 15, 2012 at 9:00 P.M. PST
Then today was nice. I hung out with Tasi for her birthday, but the day actually wasn't good. My headache got really bad, and came home to know Yellow wasn't doing fine at all. She wasn't getting better, and it's so sad to see her suffer. She just couldn't move her body, but she wanted to stand up so she would use her beak and try with everything to move out to her cage, but it just didn't work. She slept, and awhile ago, I tried to feed her food, and my mom tried to give her water, but it went in her nose and she died. It's so sad, she suffered for 9 long hours and I know it's sad to suffocate and not be able to breathe, but at least she's gone now and not still lying limp, trying to live. It was creepy how my brother was like she's gone, and right then, the clock rang for 9 PM. My clock plays songs each time it rings, and it was like ringing for her. I laughed. I was like "I'm sorry. I don't know why it's so funny." You would think it's cruel, but it's not my fault. I don't know why I laughed. And then it was just me and my little sister looking at her, and she said she was hoping it would die peacefully in it's sleep, but I just told her that at least she's not suffering anymore. We looked at how her beak and feet turned all white, not pink anymore. And then I teared up.
I think I'm those people that would not be able to take in a death if I don't witness it. Even then, when I witnessed it, I couldn't believe it. It was so cute and fluffy, only two months and ten days old....and now it's gone...It couldn't even experience flight...I couldn't even touch it. I think I just laugh at it because it seems so ridiculous to me, but I know that I loved that bird. I really cared for it, just as I cared for the Blue one. -sigh- For all I laugh, it's only my brain reacting to protect myself, and in the end, I still end up tearing up. I think my brother even cried in his room for a bit when he left my little sister and me because his eyes seemed teary when he came back out to see. What a horrible week. I wish it was over and that I got my license already. Or at least will get it. Please. May you rest in peace Yellow.
August 15, 2012 at 9:00 P.M. PST
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