Sunday Before Thanksgiving Break

I haven't blogged in so long. On Thursday I went to talk to Mrs. Moon after school in her office. I had no idea what to say or even start off with. I just needed someone to listen. To tell. To understand because my friends lately don't seem to be understanding. Considering my family, everything's okay as of now I guess. Nothing worse, nothing better. Only better thing is I guess I'm getting to deal with my parents better. Sometimes I think though. I think a little too much and I start to hate my dad. I hate him for what he's done to me. I hate him for what he can't do for me. What he can't do for the family or for himself. It made me so angry once I cried and cried and didn't talk to him for that whole week or look him in the face and avoided him everywhere. School is great right now. 4.20. But that's just a number. No one knows how hard I have to work to get that. I have 2nd-5th period yet I still go to school 0 period time sometimes because I'll go with my brother and save gas, or go a bit late for 1st period time so I can drive my little sister to school. In the time that I don't have class, I help teachers, going around volunteering. I don't ask them to sign my hours. I've kind of found that useless. I just want to help rather than help because of college. I mean it's too late now to try and fake anything and do anything so might as well just do what I do best; helping others. I've got meetings everyday and then after 5th, I do homework or join Varsity Choir. Then after school I always have to stay to do club stuff, meetings, etc. It makes me so tired. Then I have Online Civics. I thought that would be easy, but it so is not at all. Everything is not as fun as people said senior year would be. It's only easy if you plan to not try for a better future. It's only fun if you don't take AP/honors or waste away your money. I mean I've already applied to CSU Fullerton, Long Beach, San Fran State U, and San Diego State U. However, I still have to do my Universities and revise my personal statements. I also have to ask about EOP. -sigh- Why can't anyone help me? I need scholarships, but I haven't received any. My mom thinks it's so easy. That I'm the oldest and I should know everything because if I don't know anything then how will I help my little bro or sis. WHY does it have to be ME? Why do I have to know EVERYTHING? No one helps me, that's what I told her and she said nothing. No one. Why do I have to help them? Because I love them, but the way you say it, I should just do it because I have to. Well I really don't have to. Fuck. I don't even know where this is going. On the other hand, I'm watching the AMA's right now. Not bad.