The Day You Left

I spent Thursday night with you and Friday. I wanted to take you to see my room because you've never been over to Anacapa. I wanted you to go to the beach with me and we could just relax. I wanted you to be happy before leaving, actually doing something fun instead of surrounding yourself with her. I feel like yeah it was personal issues that pushed you to your point, but it wasn't because of your hall or anything. I feel like because you knew her, she helped escalate everything because of her always negative comments. I mean, even I am being affected by her negative views. It's really bad for my health, and I'm trying to get out of this friendship with her, but obviously life doesn't just work that way. In the end, I wanted to sing with you. Just you and me. Disney songs. Phantom. Together. But we went to Santa Rosa and there was Zack, Mark, Kathry, and I didn't catch on to the other girl's name. I guess that was me being selfish, but I really wanted to spend time with you, and I was a bit hurt that I wasn't able to that Friday at all because you ended up napping and then we were with a group. In the end, I know you had a good time jamming though, and I'm glad I didn't leave until the very end even though I was really tired. I hugged you like four times, but I wish I didn't let you go. I wanted to hug you tighter and tell you to not leave. I wanted you to stay. I haven't cried, and I didn't cry. You tell me all the nice things like you will keep in contact and that I made you tear up and all, but will it be true? I hate it because it's always those that I want to keep in my life that leave me. My friendship with Betty worked out just fine after all these years, but will it be the same for us? I really hope so because even though you never knew it...I loved you so much. I was hurt by the fact that I couldn't have a chance with you because you have a girlfriend and that you changed me forever. It hurt, but I don't regret it. I just wish you knew how much love you have allowed me to see in this world. It was almost unbearable yesterday, as I woke up, knowing that you are probably finished packing, putting away your belongings in the car and driving away from here with your mom. I wanted so much as to run over there and see you again for the last time in SB, but I couldn't do it. My pride hurt me because I couldn't do it. I didn't want to seem so clingy and I didn't want to see you leave. I wouldn't know what to say and it hurt. I hope that we do see each other again and I hope that that time I will hug you tighter than I did in these past days that I did. I miss you a lot, but this is probably the chance that I am going to get to improve myself...to work on bettering myself rather than helping out all that I can for others. I want to meet you again being a better me. I look forward to the future with you, whatever it is as (no sarcasm intended).