Sometimes All You Can Do is Try

I feel like I've tried everything I could with our friendship. I've cried. I've complained. I've argued and then we've talked it out after all those things. It broke me all around and made me grow out of my square. I've grown as a person and I sing more proudly for myself than ever before. I will only sing louder now than ever and with more passion. I've learned that I am able to get even closer to a person than ever before, and have a stronger desire to travel and do things that are new or that I love to do. I have yet to do more. It's funny because just the other day you were giving me advice about Betty, and it's just she's just neglecting all other relationships for her romantic one...and she doesn't think that she is, but also, I feel like I've outgrown her. I just have different goals in life now and different things that I want to talk about. This is funny because as he tells me he thinks that when he first met her, he thought her to be a selfish person, but I think that what he is doing right now is just the same as what she is doing to me. He's outgrowing me. I think as much as I tell him that he is, it's not easy for him to admit that that is true. People do change, and not that he's doing much better than I am in life because who can really judge that in the end. However. it's his fourth year now and he's going to have to move on from college to even more of the "real world." He's even got Christina now so of course his priorities has shifted. Sometimes I get really sad because I tell myself that even if you join a new relationship, the old ones don't have to suffer. I get stuck between whether this is right or not, but it is true. You don't have to leave all the other relationships behind just because you now have a romantic relationship. I strongly believing in creating friendships/relationships that only grow, and become more and more inclusive - always trying to make a bigger group. But sometimes life takes you to places that you can't help. I've been beating myself up over this relationship for like almost half a year now, and I know that it's definitely time to move on. I mean I don't want to give up on it just like that. I've tried though, and if he still is as it is, then it is what it is. I think he won't realize it, but yeah it's been different. Like yes, people get comfortable with each other and you don't necessarily have to talk as much, but this is not what he thinks it is. It's not that he's gotten comfortable. It's that there's this new person in his life and sadly, it seems like I was just there to fill up his time when he didn't have a girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder if I still have feelings for him, and honestly, I probably do. After all the shit that he's done/said to me, I still will love him. Whether it is out of romance or platonic love, I don't know. Does it really even matter? I don't think so. I only know that this whole thing hurts me a lot because he's so busy that I don't even think he realizes that I'm fading from his life. It's hard enough for me to be in anyone's life because I'm in SB, and then constantly moving back and forth to the OC. But yeah, I still hold strong that if we're really friends, nothing would change if we meet together in person, and also that you don't make excuses for people you care about. You still try to keep in touch....so yeah. I guess we'll see how this goes, but I wish the best of luck on his endeavors. I also hope that one day if I read this, I'll know that it turned out all okay. You're going to make it through all this. You've made it thus far, and now you're 20...you can definitely keep doing it especially if there's plenty of others that have made it through longer than you have. Just take witness of your own parents. You can do it. Just keep trying.