Why does it end so quick?

So I went to UCLA last Saturday...the day before my birthday. February 26, 2011. I felt really bored and I really had no interest in even being there, but I woke up at 4:30 and got ready to go pick up DV and then go to West HS to get on the bus to there. It really changed my life by the end of the first workshop: Sister sister....and it gave me a new look on life...to look more positively towards it....and as you know...I haven't done that in months. Mrs. Wu knows this and it's been bringing me down. It's affected my mood everyday, my interaction with people, my willingness to make friends, my workhabits, everything. I don't feel the need or the feeling where you have something to look forward to when going to school or even just waking up each day. I don't feel the need to talk as much when there's nothing important and I sound very harsh at times when I speak to people because I'm more blunt now. I just want to correct them if they're wrong and I hate it when people complain and crap so I just say things that I wouldn't have said before. I don't care as much about making new friends. If my old ones are crappy then who gives a damn. If my old ones aren't here...I don't really care anymore and I just never feel like making new friends or opening up to new people. Now, I work a lot more...I don't care about other things. I just want the highest grades in school....maybee I can't compete with others, but I told myself...I'm going to compete against myself and push myself to the point.....and lastly....I feel lonely. I really do. I don't think people realize it, but on my birthday only THREE people came. I had to WAIT for them to come...I had to constantly ask them when they're coming and in the end I gave up. They did come later...it was kind of fun, but not where it's like OH I really felt happy. No. I felt sad. I knew it and I was pushing it away. It was my birthday and I refused to cry. My mom noticed and so did my dad. Brian, Betty and her cousin Angela came. They knew. I have never in my life felt so lonely. I knew I was each day, but it really really hit me. Especially the days after...on Monday. I came to school and Patty made me cupcakes and Victoria gave me a necklace and people were asking how it was and Mrs. Wu sent me a card and etc. It's not the presents that I need. It's really thoughtful of them and I really like them...thanks...but that's not what I want. Each time a person askes me how my birthday went...I have to LIE about my own birthday. It's like the worst lie ever...."Oh it was actually pretty fun..." and that's all I would say about it.

to be cont.