No Response
You know I'm always being picked on and being a pushover for people. It happens over and over and over, and yet everytime, I always hope that this person is different or that person is different. But it's no different. I go through the same crap time to time, just with a different person. I'm so tired of it. I'm not physically tired, but mentally tired. What do you want me to do? I even said that I have my essay due at 4 PM. I have been working on it since yesterday and woke up super early just to do it. I don't understand why you can't understand that I have my priorities just as you do. Whenever you need help and you ask me, I do my best to help you. No questions asked too. I just wasn't able to really help you move your stuff into the new room because you didn't call me that day, and like I'm sorry, I can't just read everyone's minds. Whenever I need help, no one likes to help. "Oh I'm busy. Oh I can't. Oh do you think you can ask someone else? Oh you don't need my help." Do you know how many times I've had things like this told to my face? So many times that I don't even know how much to even give you an estimate. So much to the point where I don't really even ask for help. Like with my essays, I don't ask for people to revise it for me because I'm so tired of being told, oh you don't need help. I do everything on my own.
The thing is, you don't know me at all actually. You don't get me. You are far from understanding me. You are just one in the same as all those people that think that they care for me, yet all you do is end up hurting me. The fact that you got frustrated because I didn't answer upsets me. Yes, it does. I cried. I took a whole walk from the lagoon to the beach, and then to Campus Point and then back to my room. You said that you invited me to lunch...okay, but when you texted me, you got out a lot earlier than 12 PM so I assumed that you had gone straight to lunch. I was doing my essay and went at 12 to get lunch with my roomies. I replied to you at like 4 ish because I had to run to go turn in my final portfolio. Honestly, I sat out there in the cold at the beach thinking. I am frustrated too because I have my reasons too. Yeah, I'm wrong for not replying, but yet why are you being mad at me when you know that's how I am? I already said that I don't reply fast. I warn everyone that I talk to. Even my parents get ignored at times and it's not because I hate them. I just am busy and I'm not a texter. Honestly, I don't give a damn for who you are because that's how I live. I can live without my phone, which you can't do.
You tell me all these things and it's like you're being honest, but at the same time some of the things you say is just like my best friend. It freaking hurts. You know, just because we're close friends doesn't mean that you have more obligations and that you're able to just say whatever you want. People all still have feelings no matter what, and telling me that I'm big like I don't know that I am puts me down. Making fun of the fact that I walk slower than you puts me down. I have tendonitis and you know, it actually hurts me when I speed walk for a long amount of time, and who deals with the pain in the end? Me. I have to sit down at night sometimes and just rub my feet, which doesn't get better just overnight either. It's all on me, and not you. So honestly, I hate the fact that you make fun of me or get mad at something that I cannot help because it's a part of me and that's just who the fuck I am. I don't like that you get mad at me because I take forever to reply. It's been like that for years, so it doesn't matter. I'm not going to change anytime soon.
While sitting on the tree log by the beach, I realized how big the log is and knowing that it's smoothed out by the people sitting it, shows you how long it might have been there. Just think about how majestic it was when it was alive and still rooted to the ground. I saw birds flying and thought of how wonderful it would be just to be like that. I saw small birds walking around the lagoon pecking at food, and thought about how carefree they are. They don't have to worry about petty little things like we do...like doing homework, working to get money, paying for just a place to live. Petty. Little. Things. Yes, they are. People get so caught up in this world, thinking they're living the life and dreams, but honestly, you're not. You miss the sights that could be seen when you rush from one place to another. You miss breathing. You miss serenity. You let life pass you by. I saw this homeless man walk by and down the beach, and kept walking right. I kind of wish he stopped so that maybe I could have talked to him. Maybe he could have taught a thing or two about living. I'm just done with people for today. Do whatever you want.
The thing is, you don't know me at all actually. You don't get me. You are far from understanding me. You are just one in the same as all those people that think that they care for me, yet all you do is end up hurting me. The fact that you got frustrated because I didn't answer upsets me. Yes, it does. I cried. I took a whole walk from the lagoon to the beach, and then to Campus Point and then back to my room. You said that you invited me to lunch...okay, but when you texted me, you got out a lot earlier than 12 PM so I assumed that you had gone straight to lunch. I was doing my essay and went at 12 to get lunch with my roomies. I replied to you at like 4 ish because I had to run to go turn in my final portfolio. Honestly, I sat out there in the cold at the beach thinking. I am frustrated too because I have my reasons too. Yeah, I'm wrong for not replying, but yet why are you being mad at me when you know that's how I am? I already said that I don't reply fast. I warn everyone that I talk to. Even my parents get ignored at times and it's not because I hate them. I just am busy and I'm not a texter. Honestly, I don't give a damn for who you are because that's how I live. I can live without my phone, which you can't do.
You tell me all these things and it's like you're being honest, but at the same time some of the things you say is just like my best friend. It freaking hurts. You know, just because we're close friends doesn't mean that you have more obligations and that you're able to just say whatever you want. People all still have feelings no matter what, and telling me that I'm big like I don't know that I am puts me down. Making fun of the fact that I walk slower than you puts me down. I have tendonitis and you know, it actually hurts me when I speed walk for a long amount of time, and who deals with the pain in the end? Me. I have to sit down at night sometimes and just rub my feet, which doesn't get better just overnight either. It's all on me, and not you. So honestly, I hate the fact that you make fun of me or get mad at something that I cannot help because it's a part of me and that's just who the fuck I am. I don't like that you get mad at me because I take forever to reply. It's been like that for years, so it doesn't matter. I'm not going to change anytime soon.
While sitting on the tree log by the beach, I realized how big the log is and knowing that it's smoothed out by the people sitting it, shows you how long it might have been there. Just think about how majestic it was when it was alive and still rooted to the ground. I saw birds flying and thought of how wonderful it would be just to be like that. I saw small birds walking around the lagoon pecking at food, and thought about how carefree they are. They don't have to worry about petty little things like we do...like doing homework, working to get money, paying for just a place to live. Petty. Little. Things. Yes, they are. People get so caught up in this world, thinking they're living the life and dreams, but honestly, you're not. You miss the sights that could be seen when you rush from one place to another. You miss breathing. You miss serenity. You let life pass you by. I saw this homeless man walk by and down the beach, and kept walking right. I kind of wish he stopped so that maybe I could have talked to him. Maybe he could have taught a thing or two about living. I'm just done with people for today. Do whatever you want.
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