Fates
So I had finally told her about a week ago..I think it was Tuesday night. I was so nervous; I don't even know why. I don't even have feelings for her anymore. I get so excited to still talk to her though every now and then. I really miss her and I wish she could have stayed for the rest of the year, but I know that if she did, her grades wouldn't have ended out well as she would have liked. I guess it is good for her, or should I just say him now...to take a break from school and decide what he wants to do from now on. I hope he decides to come back to SB though because I feel like it would be good for him. It would be fun, and plus, I think our campus is so relaxing that it helps with all the stressers from school. I think maybe this is the selfish part in me that wants him to come back and be here with me. Even if we don't talk anymore, but knowing that he is here and doing well is good enough for me. It's been scary though and a really tough week because of what had happened last weekend with Elliot Rodger. I'm probably over thinking everything, but I feel like I have changed. And...maybe I shouldn't have told her....but then again, if I never say anything then it will always be too late. There will be no changes. So I think that even though I am so afraid that it will never be the same again or that I will never be able to talk to him again...then I will not regret it no matter what. Why regret it if it's already been done? Just keep living, and especially because finals are coming up...I shouldn't be worrying about this, but worrying about finals. I need to keep a focus and stop worrying about useless things that probably aren't happening and won't even happen.
It was really interesting because the other day, on Friday, March 30th, we went Downtown and on the bus, I met a man named Ali Baba. I was honestly like what the fuck when he told me his name because I didn't know if this was a lie or not. However, he seemed nice and it didn't seem like he had any bad intentions at all. We talked about my dream of hoping to become a teacher. He told me constantly to not hope, but believe. He told me that he knows that I will become a teacher. He told me that I have a nice face structure and you could tell that I am a nice person. He told me about himself to and how he came to America from Africa to tell histories, play music, etc. as well as do psychic readings. Also, he told me to say yes to anything my parents tell me. I actually enjoyed this encounter very much because it was so unexpected and spontaneous. I thought he was a homeless man at first, but it turned out to be very different. I didn't even hesitate when asking to sit next to him regardless of him being a homeless or not. I wish it was like this everyday, where you can meet interesting people without having the fear of being attacked or anything. Just nice simple conversations and learning more about life and even yourself.
The crazy part was that, his words got me thinking. I so much wanted to just tell this stranger about my parents and my life. I wanted to just let it all out because I was so tired of life. I didn't though of course because the ride to Downtown was very short and in the end, he handed me a rock and blessed me. I hope that he really did bless me and not put any harm to me. I hope my mom and dad live to be very old and end up learning to live a happy life. I just want them to be with my siblings and I, and see us all grown up and living happy lives with our own little families. I think then I will be satisfied. I can't lose them yet. No matter who it is, I cannot lose my family. Please.
It was really interesting because the other day, on Friday, March 30th, we went Downtown and on the bus, I met a man named Ali Baba. I was honestly like what the fuck when he told me his name because I didn't know if this was a lie or not. However, he seemed nice and it didn't seem like he had any bad intentions at all. We talked about my dream of hoping to become a teacher. He told me constantly to not hope, but believe. He told me that he knows that I will become a teacher. He told me that I have a nice face structure and you could tell that I am a nice person. He told me about himself to and how he came to America from Africa to tell histories, play music, etc. as well as do psychic readings. Also, he told me to say yes to anything my parents tell me. I actually enjoyed this encounter very much because it was so unexpected and spontaneous. I thought he was a homeless man at first, but it turned out to be very different. I didn't even hesitate when asking to sit next to him regardless of him being a homeless or not. I wish it was like this everyday, where you can meet interesting people without having the fear of being attacked or anything. Just nice simple conversations and learning more about life and even yourself.
The crazy part was that, his words got me thinking. I so much wanted to just tell this stranger about my parents and my life. I wanted to just let it all out because I was so tired of life. I didn't though of course because the ride to Downtown was very short and in the end, he handed me a rock and blessed me. I hope that he really did bless me and not put any harm to me. I hope my mom and dad live to be very old and end up learning to live a happy life. I just want them to be with my siblings and I, and see us all grown up and living happy lives with our own little families. I think then I will be satisfied. I can't lose them yet. No matter who it is, I cannot lose my family. Please.
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