I...

miss you so much..

I go day to day trying to fill up my time with something to do

so I won't have to think about you &go through the pain knowing that

....you don't feel the same way anymore.

I wish I didn't have to do that &just be...normal..

and sometimes, I don't even try, but you just wander into the front of my mind.

I smile...thinking

"That's what you &me do",

but then I look down

"That's what you &me used to do."

You tell me about how you meet these pretty girls...

I bit my lip &tear up.

You tell me how pretty they are

and I think about how you used to tell me how beautiful I was..

I try to hold back my jealousy, but harsh words just comes out

proving how jealous I am of those words.

Not that I'm insecure with jealousy, but because I wish you still thought I was beautiful instead of those other pretty girls..

I cry a lot &you make me feel so so weak..

but do you know how strong I feel? Cause I'm actaully holding back more than suppose to.

If I wasn't holding back, I would still be crying my eyes out this very moment..

The day you said...I think we should go our separate ways...

November 16, 2009.

I'll always remember that day somehow more evidently than the day I first met you..

Afterschool...you broke the news to me and I didn't cry a single tear.

I don't know why...I really didn't.

I thought it was cause I didn't really love you enough, but it wasn't true..

I do love you, still do my baby oreo..

That day at school in 5th period World History Honors..

My friend in drill team, Adelina.

She was crying and half the time she wasn't even in class...

I thought wow...she must have really loved him too

and well that means, obviously, her boyfriend..left her...

I told Victoria,

"Wow, man...I hope I don't end out like that when it happens to me.."

Well guess what? It did happen to me....that very day :l

But it's true...I didn't cry like that..

I did cry other times like days afterwards, probably not more then 10 times, but I wasn't like that..

I kept my cool...like I said, I don't want people to see me as weak anywhere.

I fake a smile day to day &keep myself a straight A student.

I do what I say, I keep my word...

"I love you forever &always"

To a girl like me, it's going to be the truth...forever &always.

For a guy, it's not so likely..

I wish it were though :l

I really wish you could be with me again..

It's not happening now..

"Who do you miss most?"

"-I miss my boyfriend."

No, I miss my ex-boyfriend...

I have to keep reminding myself that. Not happening. Ex. From now on.