My Little Heart is Breaking, Aching

I want to just cry, but I can't. There's nothing that I should even be sad about. I didn't cry when I saw him there at the party. I didn't cry when he came with her. I didn't cry when they danced together. I didn't cry when he was no longer there. I didn't cry when I was in the bathroom by myself. I didn't cry on the drive home and not before falling asleep. I gave myself a chance. I didn't put myself or my little sister and dad in danger in the car. I changed spots with Bri so I wouldn't have to see them dancing. I did what I could to have fun instead of being down. Even though that scene did hurt me, I did have a lot of fun at her quince. I realized that I shouldn't have to hurt myself over just a guy. Like let's say something happened to me, and if someone else were to ask for the reason for what happened....all for a guy? How pathetic does that sound? I wouldn't want my life to end just because of a guy. "Sign Language"...that song, I love, yet the lyrics that the rapper does...it's so sad. My heart is caving in so badly and I don't know how to save myself. I just want this feeling to be over. I don't want to like him anymore. I know you can't choose who you like, but why does it have to feel this way. I'm feeling like this over nothing. I know he's going to still be my friend no matter what, but all I want to be is more than friends. I just want to go up to him and tell him, "Stop, and look at me. Notice me. I'm right here, and I've been here all along. Just give it a try. Give us a try. I just want to be with you...and do all these cute relationship stuff with you like in those cheesy romantic movies that you and I like. I know I'm going to leave soon, but...I just want to be with you." It's summer and I should be having fun, which I am, but everyday, there is not a day where I don't think about him. Sometimes I feel like giving up and other times I have so much hope. I don't give up and that's something I don't like about myself. It's a great quality, but at the same time, it's really pushing me to the max and I'm just so tired. I should be focused on other things, other goals. I've finally ridden my red bike again ever since last summer. I guess it wasn't that I couldn't ride it, I guess I was just afraid because of what happened last summer. There's so many things to worry about yet this is all I think about. I just want him to notice it and give it a try, or somehow get over this quickly because it isn't helping me. That's all that my little heart desires. Save my little breaking heart; please.