Dreams

I had like the worst dream/thoughts ever. I dreamt that I was walking on the streets at night and I was about to cross the street light near the GG hospital and this SUV truck was speeding. It seemed to not see me I guess because it didn't slow down and I didn't know because I assumed it would stop for a red light. It obviously didn't and kept going and it hit me so hard that I flew...probably going like 60 mph or something. My legs were taken out from beneath me and I just went from like one side of the street to the middle. It was horrible. I remember that I couldn't move and was bleeding immensely...everywhere. It hurt so badly. People were rushing to help and everything was caught on camera apparently so you could see how it hit me so hard/fast that I just flew many feets away. I just laid there in the middle of the road not knowing what could happen next. Thoughts and people just went through my mind as if I wasn't going to see anyone again. I was alone too and "he" lives near there now, but I was alone. I remember the police or w.e. came and they took me to the GG hospital. I was asking to see my family and friends, but especially him. I lapsed out of consciousness after that. When I woke up, I was told that I had to get surgery the next day because my legs were completely shattered and I had like a very high chance of never walking ever again. They showed me the x-ray of both my legs and my left leg was completely shattered as if all I had were shards of glass in them. It was just cut up everywhere and my right leg was horrible too, but it didn't take as much impact as the left leg did. The guy that drove the truck was luckily caught and all the meanwhile I was thinking about how much this would cost my parents..for the medical treatment, hospital, etc. It was horrible and to top that off, my nerves were damaged so who knew what would happen next....and in that moment, my eyesight shut down. I was so afraid. I couldn't see anything so I kept closing my eyes...telling myself that I was just closing my eyes. That's why I couldn't see. It's horrible to know that you can open your eyes, but not see anything at all. People started coming in. My family, friends...my teachers...they all saw the taken video of how the crash happened and I'm sure there was a lot of tears because it was like a horror movie. Maybe even worse. The car just kept going on after it hit me. I was just there in the middle of the road going in and out of consciousness. I tried so hard not to cry and instead I had to comfort those around me. Some didn't even know I couldn't see anymore because I just closed my eyes and said that I was tired. He finally came when mostly everyone left already. He stayed to take care of me and to keep me company. We even argued a bit when he said he only came because he had nothing to do. I know he didn't mean it like that because his voice was obviously shaking, but when you are in that state, it was hard to keep cool all the time. He would hold my hand and make sure that I was breathing correctly because I guess the impact was so great that my ribs were probably somewhat damaged. So I was sick too and coughing would hurt my sides so badly. He would ask me why I didn't want to open my eyes and finally said that I couldn't see. I could still see when I was on the road and such, but after coming into the hospital...my nerves broke down on me. I was a cripple and I had lost my eyesight all in one night. It was bad enough to not be able to see, but not be able to walk/run made me feel hopeless. It hurts to know that you will never be able to see how your surroundings are, if people are backstabbing, and how your love ones are like. You just don't know. You can hear, but that takes time to adjust to. All you have are the memories in your mind to keep you company. I finally opened my eyes due to him convincing me, but I couldn't see anything. It scared me and I felt so alone. To open up your eyes and only find more darkness was the worst feeling ever. It's indescribable. He would laugh at how when he held my hand that my heart beat would beat even faster and more irregular. -sigh- So many tears... I hope that never ever happens to me in real life...and hopefully not to anyone because that was the worst feeling in the world. To lose sight when you most love to draw, sing, see nature, etc. and to not have your legs working anymore when you like to walk, run, play around, etc. Another horrible part was my friend, K....she came and then went in the corner of the room with him to talk. I overheard them and her saying that I was crippled and that I wouldn't recover anyway so why don't I just get that shot where they end it all because I wouldn't be able to do anything anyway even if I survived. It made me so angry and it hurt my dignity...so I yelled at her. You can't just come to a hospital and see a friend in such pain and insult them even more. That is not a friend and I don't need that type of friend to pity. I don't need people if they see me as a failure. I would rather be alone. I even made her leave and told him to leave too because I couldn't handle the insult. He never left, but still...then I woke up crying and well I went back to sleep later. My legs were so weak when I woke up again. Such a scary dream.