The Idea of an Ideal Lover

I surpassed a post on Tumblr about how people just have ideas of an ideal lover; that one perfect person that they would love to be with. That there is no such thing, just a figment of our imagination, things, qualities, and thoughts that we wish that person has. Well before I say anything more, I would just like to really recount what has happened in the past two weeks. So many events and incidents and trying things out for the first time. I really would like to keep it in my memories because I've never felt like I've truly lived until this moment. Last Friday, June 14, 2013, I had to go to an Environmental meeting after school to do interviews for the new officers next year and during one of the interview sessions, the President said something along the lines of "Suppose you were in this situation where you are an officer and another one of your officers was not attending events or meetings, what would you do? Like she doesn't go very often." And I felt like that was meant to be for me because she looked at another officer whom looked at her like, "oh my god, what are you saying??? Be quiet!" and then the president said like "Oh shoot" or something and they both looked at me. I was actually really upset about it, but I had to keep smiling and going through the interview because I couldn't let them be satisfied with the fact that they hurt me. Though it was really wrong and rude of them to do that, I am better than that. The meet ended at 5:30 PM, and I felt bad because I had told Tasi I wanted to hang out with her after it, but I didn't think it would take that long. Afterwards, I walked out of Osborne's room and the first thing I saw was Lesly jumping out of the door way so I thought I had hit her, but I didn't and I turned to my left and there he was, which kind of scared me so I said "Holy jesus!" Lol, or something along those lines. Tasi was there too and it really gave me relief to be with them out of that horrid atmosphere. She said that he had wanted to wait for me so he can take us all home...So then we went to our lockers and I had gotten everything, yet when we were walking to his car, I felt like my phone was gone. I didn't even check my backpack and ran back to my locker to check, but it wasn't there. I had to run back and check my backpack, and it was there the whole time. I felt so stressed and sad, and when we got in the car to go take Tasi home, I just asked him if he wanted to hang out because I didn't feel like going home. He agreed to all hanging out so we went to Tasi's so she can drop off her stuff and then he went to get gas. Oh, how it felt to laugh with them girls. Sometimes I laugh too much that I just can't stop or even breath at times, ahaha, and I have a habit that just can't be stopped where I laugh and I cry too. Anyway, we went to The Circle of Orange and went exploring. It was actually really fun. We went in a boutique and a toy store too. We played with their puppets and finger puppets until they told him to not get make-up on it lol. We saw a record shop too, but it was closed and next to it was a candy store. Him and I both did a double take before going in and then we went to The Perfect Circle and tried their cupcakes there for the first time. It was pretty good, and then after we had to take Lesly home and then Tasi and I, which got me home at like 9:30. I knew I pissed my mom off because to her, that is pretty late.

Then the following day was Baccalaureate. No one went for me, but I was actually okay with it because I had more fun than thought to be possible. Afterwards, there was a lot of picture taking and Katie and I attempted to take a jumping picture. Little did I know, I had forgot to take my medal I was wearing off so this is the outcome of that:

Looking at that picture does not fail to make me laugh or forget that it really hurt. Katie was like "PLAY IT OFF. PLAY IT COOL ANNE!"

"I CAN'T. IT REALLY HURTS!"

And well, yeah...that was that xD.

Then after Baccalaureate, Little one, Patty, Katie, him and I all went to TGIF at the Block to eat. When we were going to look for a parking lot, there was a black car that took up two parking spaces. Somehow in the end, they all got me to write "you suck at parking" (with an added smiley face) and put it on that car's front windshield wiper. It was pretty interesting lol. I just find that these couple of pictures we took there it be so cute:

Then afterwards, we took Katie/Patty to their house so they could change and we dropped by his house to decide on where to go to next. We ended up with South Coast plaza, and they made me drive:

On our way there, we saw Ikea and I was like "OMG 500 DAYS OF SUMMER!" and he was like that too and we ending up heading there, beginning our little spontaneous adventure in Ikea. It was like the best day ever lol because we were just going around and riding the elevator, laying in beds, doing weird things you know? Similar to the Ikea scene in 500 Days of Summer. I wish we could do it like they do in the movie, but obviously I'm not dating anyone and neither was any of us. Actually, here's how I actually felt. In the moment, I didn't want it to end. I enjoyed every bit of it. I loved running around with them and especially with him. We could act like kids and no one would say anything. It's days like this that I would remember forever and maybe one day I can even look back and say that this is a good love. That friends like these make my days better and help me to forget the troubles of my personal life. Some more pictures of our Ikea adventures:

So we left and went to South Coast Plaza, where I crossed the bridge for the first time :D

Haha, it was a good day and I drove back. I got home at 6 PM so it was alright, but that night at like 10:30 PM or something, my mom was in the living room with my siblings and I and she spoke out of nowhere. She said things like "I don't consider you as my daughter because you never listen to me. You always go out late and you always care about your friends more than you care about your family. I hate you." :p stuff like that...I know people tell me words are just words, but heck...those words hurt a lot. If it were coming from people, strangers, friends, those that I didn't know, I honestly wouldn't give a damn. However, this was all coming from my mom. It honestly wasn't anything new. I knew she already hated me. I knew all those things, but this time she chose to say it to my face. I mean if it doesn't hurt you when someone you love and care about says things like that, then maybe you really don't even care or love them as you say or think you do. It should hurt.  And it did hurt. It didn't help at all either that my dad added on that it was my ceremony and day, and that she should have gone because that provoked her to say that her mom never supported her like that. Thus, she shouldn't have to do that for us when she already does like everything in the household. I cried that night; good day gone bad. The next morning I woke up and cried too. My parents continued to argue and she said some more senseless things. She wouldn't have cared that I got hurt or something because she said that what she says is true. It hurt so much and yet I had to keep pushing through and write my research essay final, and then do the five mini projects. That was not the biz. I kept crying and stuff, and somehow I ended up talking/crying to him on the phone. It actually took a long time before I calmed down, but it helped a lot. Who knows what would have happened in that room of mine if I didn't have him to talk to or anyone at all. He gave me comfort and told me to talk to her. So I did that night. I sat at my brother's computer for a good long while before I could even turn to face the living room clock. I was shaking and already tearing up. I was afraid. I decided to just walk up to her and I did and said, "Mom, can you just please not be mad at me anymore. I'm sorry, I know it's been my fault and that all these years, I do know, I just don't know how to tell you." Well then...there comes the talk. I hate how when Asians talk, they sound like they're yelling so then I was just crying so much, like I haven't already you know lol, and I guess now we're okay, but that weekend was the best yet the worst. I don't even know if I would even want to go back to that weekend. I don't think I would.

Then graduation happened this past Wednesday. I'd have to say hands down that it was the best family day ever. I felt like everyone was really happy and united. We all had our laughs and smiles and well, it was just a really good night. I ate so much food at Asia Buffet.

Then the next day, Thursday, was Gradnite at Disneyland. I took Tasi to go pick up our ticket and diplomas and got Katie too. Then we headed off to Downtown Disney to enter into Disneyland, where we found Jose. We just went on rides first since everyone was lagging it and said they were barely picking up their stuff. That morning from 10 until 8 PM was honestly, I can say, one of my shittiest days ever. I can't believe half the things that happened that day. I tried to contact everyone and yet they were all coming late and stuff and then Patty and Little one came after one. Apparently then, it was like all my fault for this because I didn't go find them. The funniest thing is that I actually did. I had called everyone and texted them a bunch of times, but everyone wandered off with other people or their boyfriends and stuff. I had really tried and for a time, I actually was wondering around by myself because everyone had left to go somewhere else with others. I was so frustrated I even resorted to texting him and asking him to please come because everyone else left. It only made me more frustrated because he told me to look for Patty and little, who had clearly left. I just didn't even look at my phone for a good while. Then later I found Tasi and Katie, and in the end I just went with Katie to go on rides and stuff. We were both just angry at everyone. Then at like 7:00 something, when we went into CA Adventures, we saw Tuna. She had to like explain to me everything, which was pretty scary and funny too because we went into the girls bathroom together and when we came out of the stall...a girl just like stared at us. Lol oh wells. Interesting events, but then yeah...by the time everything happened, I was so nervous, but I was able to get him in. Thankfully he came because I don't know how the night would have ended.

We went in and went on a bunch of rides and watched World of Colors. I cannot get over how amazing that show is, but I do have to admit, it does lose its magicalness after the first time of watching it. I love every bit of that show and especially Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Tangled, and Finding Nemo. I was just really happy to watch that because I was finally with Katie, Betty, Jackie and him rather than just with two people or myself. I started to have more fun, and Betty got me to go on CA Screamin' with her. LOL it was pretty awesome, but too awesome that I lost two pearls on my bobby pins lol. Then I ended up riding with him the rest of the night, and it was actually really fun (:. I'd forget about everything else for that moment on the ride and just have fun. I beat him TWICE in that one shooting game too! I even went on the carousal for the first time in a long long time, which wasn't the best ride there, but it was fun too. We went around in Cars Land for a bit too which was really cool :D It was just exactly like the movie with a number of interesting rides. The main cars ride and then the bump-car like ride was fun. Then the others wanted to go to Tower of Terror so we went, but I wanted to sit out of it because I hate feeling like I'm falling even though I wasn't really. So I sat out and he decided to sit out too, but I think it was because he wanted to go find the other two. Tasi and her boyfriend came with Brianna and Alex so he asked if they wanted to watch the others' stuff so that he could take me to go "walking around," which just become "going to find the other two." We went and found them at the front of CA Adventures, but they didn't even seem happy or wanted us to be there. I even held my arms out for Little one, but he just like disregarded it. Patty said, "Oh, we just went around and picked up whoever we found." And that was when I had mumbled to him that obviously I wasn't picked up because I was left all alone for awhile. Then we were going to go back, but before getting to them, we had already pointed out areas we wanted to go to and how he wanted some Starbucks. Thus, we went to drop by to get some starbucks in there and the others just left us even though I thought they had clearly saw us, but they apparently thought we were eating....even though little one had called him and he said he was buying some starbucks. Well we went back after, but just got distracted along the way. We made wishes at one of the fountains and went on a couple of rides and then even checked out the Mad Arcade, which was interesting. His friend was there and she thought I was his girlfriend. Lol that totally caught me off guard and made it a bit awkward with her, but I said no as quick as I could because he probably was like wth. Lol oh wells :p. Then we played some games and played air hockey before leaving. I think that air hockey table was rigged because we both did not actually score anything. We just had lucky/missed shots that got in ahaha. He even remembered that I wanted to go on Soarin' Over CA...because I didn't. I enjoyed that ride because it was so calming and relaxing after a day full of crazy events and emotions. We were talking about how we should do all these things, go on hot air balloons, hang-gliding? and more...and it's like...will we ever get the chance to do that together? I kind of hope to. I never really like making wishes or promises to people and try to steer clear of it. I have before, but I would always keep in mind that I would probably never see them again. Yet this time, I felt like it will happen. Like I will continue to see him and we will actually do these things. I don't want to say that he's the love of my life or that he's the one because I don't know. I don't know anything at all about this whole thing. Love is so confusing and I don't feel ready. I also feel like he just sees me as a really really really good friend. So there that is. The hypothetical truth. But actually, it's not that love is confusing. It's that people are confusing. If you love someone, you should tell them right? Right? So what's stopping you Anne? You could have done it. I keep fighting back because I think it's too soon, but love can happen anywhere, anytime and to anyone. It doesn't have to take years for love to develop. Sometimes it can take only minutes, even seconds. It can snap two people right into reality and realization that they're there all along. It just needed some work. So is this it? Is there more for me to learn or what? We went on the Monsters Inc. ride too, which was pretty cute and he mentioned Monsters University....WHICH I DID NOT KNOW CAME OUT YESTERDAY lol. Fail. Anyway.....After that ride, we went back to Tower of Terror, but everyone left so we just went on more rides like the Goofy ride, which was so scary. When I got in, I accidentally pushed down the safety bar and so I could only fit in, not my backpack. SOOO....I had to hold onto my backpack the whole ride. It wasn't bad, but like it was really high up and the turns were so sharp, which made me feel like I was going to fall. I don't know what I was thinking, but my left arm was free and I was trying to grab at him because I was soo scared LOL. After, we went to the fancy-looking restaurant to find the others, but only Patty and Little one was there. We sat with there and I almost fell asleep, and they soon left to who knows where. Him and I were going to move up closer to the band playing because they were really good and I realized Tasi and Zach were sitting just behind us. We moved closer and sat there until they finished. They were Oak and Gorski; really talented people. I can't find the songs they played last night on YouTube :/ wish I could because they were a lot better than the ones on YouTube. It was romantic and cute. I didn't want to leave in that moment. I actually didn't want to leave ever since he got there. I wish I would have hugged him a little more. A bit harder and got him in a bit earlier. I just wish. He wanted a rematch in that one shooting game, so we went that second time and I thought I was going to lose, but I ended up winning anyway :D. HA HA HA, and he thought at first that he would have to go easy on me. Think again xD. On that ride, we were with Tasi and Zach and towards the end, I saw them kiss...made me look away. I think I was weirded out because I didn't know what to do and I don't think he saw that so thank goodness because it was awkward lol. Even though I say that it has been awkward a couple of times, it's amazing how easily we both forget about it and just manage to have fun. Or at least I do. I really do just enjoy my time with him. He makes me forget all the bad things for awhile. Then after that ride, the other two were walking, but him and I ended up running to watch the last World of Colors for the seniors. It like barely lasted by the time we got there. Oh wells, but it was fun. His one step is like four steps for me Dx. Then we walked out of Disneyland all together and when he crossed the light, we hugged, but I hate that I give such crappy ass hugs. I'm so unaffectionate at times. I love cheesy, romantic stuff, but I can't even bear to like give a good or even decent enough hug. LOL FAIL AT LIFE. UGH. Then we split ways and I ran after Tasi because she was my ride. I was so exhausted, but it was all worth it in the end. Other than the whole friends drama, it was fun. It's sad that I had to have fun without them and with someone I barely know, but that's what happened. I mean...he's my friend too, but I don't know him as long as I knew them. I didn't even know he existed in my life until my Sophomore year, and didn't even really truly notice him until this year...and especially not until the last two months of this school year. Yet in that short amount of time, I think I got hooked. I don't think I've fallen. I don't feel like I have, but I always feel like I'm on cloud nine when I'm with him. He has been a bit disappointing at times, but I understand and see his reasons after giving him a chance to explain...and well...he's really sweet. All these good times, coincidences, similarities....I wish he saw. I wish he could reciprocate those feelings of mine, but if not, he is a really good friend to keep. He's a keeper. So maybe he doesn't make up the idea of an ideal lover, but he's pretty close to it. I guess in life, you don't need to find someone perfect...you just need someone who makes you feel perfect as you. And in this moment, I do feel good as me whenever I'm with/without him. I'm living my life, and ever since he's came into my life....I've been living every day. I have been trying new things for the first time constantly whenever he's there...maybe the rush from trying new things is affecting how I feel for him, but maybe it isn't. Maybe just maybe, I truly have these feelings. I honestly don't know how I feel about him, but I like him as a friend for now. I can't lose him. I need to end this because it's getting way too long, but there...this has been my past two weeks...and I don't regret it one bit.