Would You Save Me If You Could?

She goes in to her room and shuts her door. She stands by the door for awhile with her head down, only feeling complete exhaustion and disappointment. It's silly to feel this way yet it's how she feels. His slow replies and careless words make up the disappointment. She can only think that she is dumb for texting or even trying in the first place. She can't help but feel as if she is being too needy. 

As if by force, she slowly crawls into bed and lays down limply. The seconds tick by and the growling of her stomach can be heard since days ago. She coaxes herself. 

It's okay. He's probably just busy.You're over  thinking  everything.

The final tears of the day come rushing down. Nevertheless she doesn't feel a bit better. Only realizing that by the end of the day, her feelings are her own and will be kept that way. She curses as to why she always falls for those she can't have, those that are taken, those that have their hearts set on someone else, those that just can't be. She plays some music through her phone to stimulate those tears and they come rushing. Only the day before, she had played piano for hours on until her hands hurt and her back ached in the painless darkness of the night. It calmed her and kept her thoughts away. Yet there were sudden times where she would constantly look at her phone and expect that message; his message. When he would message, she would ignore and play on. Yet she couldn't. She would endlessly mess up all her notes until she gave in and replied. 

Until now, she knew it was not the same anymore. She can feel it in her heart and in his eyes when she sees him. Maybe he feels no different but she can feel it. The tension is there and the confusion in both persons is present. She loathe that she had no choice. She wanted to help him and that was the boost he needed. If she didn't tell about her feelings, he wouldn't have known and she wouldn't have realized, herself, how much she had fallen and all the denying she has done all these months. If she tells, it was exactly what she had feared and nevertheless it is still becoming reality. She loved him dearly and did not want to hinder their friendship. She really tried and tried and yet now that she told the truth, all she felt was a heavy heart. She just wanted it to return to normal. To text, to talk, to laugh, to care...freely. 

Like before, she would only wish that she had not fallen for the personality, for at times, looks are easier to get over with. But it was too late.