What a Day: 6/11/10
Woke up today, not knowing how to face the truth of seeing him today at school because I sent him an IM on AIM about me liking him and about Christy. I saw him in the morning, walking towards us as usual. At that time...I didn't really know what to do so I asked my friends to all walk the longer way to class just so I didn't have to see him and face the problem of questions and awk-ness. Everytime I do this...it's a good thing for me, but also a bad thing :l. It's good because I don't have to face him, but it's bad because...it shows how cowardly I am..but I don't want to be. It shows how weak I am also...And lastly....even though I did avoid him, but half of me still wanted to see him so much. UGHH. So I go through first period...it was alright, I forgot to study for my SAT Quiz #24, so that kinda sucked for me...last quiz too :[. But all the work wasn't enough, I couldn't take my mind off of him. I couldn't help, but to keep imagining what happened yesterday. His arm all around her...ehh it made me so jealous/sad. I hate being a girl you know? Being a girl brings so much drama and jealousy. Jealousy is a sin - Christian/Catholic/Buddhism wise. I don't want a stupid sin, but I can't friggin control it. It's like major problematic...When I get jealous...it's worse than me being mad...Idk what I do and sometimes it hurts others. So then I walked like super slow to 2nd...ehh, I hate this class..it's bio and super boring, but even though she gives us a lot of work...I still seemed to not be able to get my mind off of the crapp. I was literally doing my work and having it go through my mind over and over - replay. Wish it was pause/stop. So that was a horrible class....then at break, I caught a glimpse of him once, but that was it. It made me think even more D:...but Anre and Brian and others were there to help me through. I actually am nicer to Brian nowadays....that morning, he didn't know why I cried yesterday, so I told him...and like I still am teasing/joking with him, but I know who my true friends are. Thnxs Brian and Anre, especially Anre since you're always there listening to my love problems/life/family problems and hearing me vent and crappp....in the end, you would always do me favors and stuff and like I know I call you stupid sometimes...but ehh it's not like that, I really am grateful of you guys for being there for me when I'm at my worst. I kept thinking...wow, this is like my life. So alone, so ugly, so blahh, but it's not truee...I actually have true friends like you Anre, Brian, Victoria, Lisa, Katie, Diana, Sang, and etc. Also, just to skipp around the topic somemore was that Timmy's mom died awhile ago...it sadden me so much and like just to imagine how it's like for him is unbelieveable cause I have a sick mom too, but I don't want to it be like that.. I hope everything will be alright for him and that he will be okay... I know I am not much of a helpful person with these issues especially at this moment, but this is all I can do...I will hope for the best.
Anyway, back to the topic. So last night, I talked to Christy and then I sent him an IM telling about how everything was like. Apparently he didn't reply...I thought he was avoiding it, but turns out, he was sleeping and his uncle was on so he never read it. At lunch time, for the last time this week, me and Anre/Brian went to watch and support Class of 2013 in the competitions....lisa and katie were in them. Ehh...I kinda ignored him at lunch too :l..I felt really bad so I started to talk to him in 5th. It was actually more painful then you would ever know. Knowing that he doesn't like me, knowing that he knows I like him, thinking that he knew about the IM [ but he didn't]...it had to fake smiles and stuff..it was really horrible...I felt all heart-achy...:l But then 6th period was really funn...we were suppose to study together for our verbal test on wed? but like me/angel/anh/bao and danny started talking about pickup lines and She The Man and cheese. xD. -sigh- good times.
"Hey! Do you like cheese? I like cheese! You like cheddar cheese? Yeah I like cheddar cheese cause you're the color of my favorite food!" :]
"What's your name? -says name- ______ is too long, can I call you mine?" :]
Two cute pick up lines...too bad some people don't get the first one like we do. Anyway, afterschool...we hung out in Wu's as usual...I was gonna go with Angel and stuff to the CLOC Banquet, but ehh when we got to the pool gate..kinda got scared and didn't go in cause we didn't want people to stare xD. Then later we went to hang with Jenny in the library...and I saw him in there. What a coincidence D:...I like see him everywhere, and by the time Angel/Anre points out that he's there..it's kinda too late -_-. Well then like after, we went to hang with Lisa, Katie, Timmy, Quan and stuff near the cook room so they could act for their God Project. Ends up later...he comes....ughh my life....sometimes I just wanna be happy...and I was..I actually liked it, but then he came..it just made me think about things and got sad again, but at the same time...I liked it that he was there and there wasn't anyone else he likedd there so I kinda got to have him "to myself". Not really. Ehhh but he kept trying to get near and like put his arm on my shoulder or like lean on me. Idk how to take that as..trying to be friendly? Feeling guilty for me crying? Liking me? Then once he grabbed me and Anre to take a pic...Katie took it for us -_- and like ehh I was trying to get away and so was Anre, but he kept pulling us back. Finally I gave up and took the pic, but I look hella ugly in it cuz I was making a face and pointing at him -No idea what was that all about but I look eww-. I look like shitt compared to him when I saw the pic just now...Then when it was almost 5...we left, and he tried to hug me. I stood in front of him like ..... and he had his arms out...I was like -punch jokingly- and I pretended to notice other things...he actually has abs..anyway...I didn't know what to do..I didn't want to be mean, but it was awk and I felt ughh. So I hugged him....I shoulda just ran away that instant, but I didn't :l. I like to hug him to be honest cause he actually holds me, but FUCK THIS SHIT. I'm so hurt :[...ughhh
Later on aim, I talked to him..at first it was really cute and stuff. I used some pick up lines on him, but not like straightforward cause I didn't want him to know more about how I feel so I was like...oh gennie told me this one and so forth..it was stupid, but cute. I really liked that moment, BUT every fricking time...I talk to him, Christy comes up. No offense...I don't like hate it....but it really shows me how much he cares about her. Okay, nevermind..I take that back. I do hate it. I hate it cause it makes me so jealous of how she can make him care so much about her that I feel like NOTHING compared to her. Seriously. I feel like she's so much better, prettier, everything is better than me. He really likes her or he pities her. IDK but it hurts. He always talks about her to me :l. I like that he can tell me things, but why always her? It's like stabbing me in the heart you know...:l
I just wish that things would be over..school would end [June23] and then everything would be alright. But it's not going to be...I know it. My life is like the shitt lol..It can be totally perfect or totally terrible...Once I get in a problem, it's like the world falls on me...everything just comes at me and hits me. It's good experience, but makes me so damn tired. So then we talked and we started to argure cause he wanted to isolate himself from all girls jsut to prove Christy...idk I forgot to prove her about what, but fuckkk I swear, he like loves her
-fml all over again
from that ugly chick ;[
Anyway, back to the topic. So last night, I talked to Christy and then I sent him an IM telling about how everything was like. Apparently he didn't reply...I thought he was avoiding it, but turns out, he was sleeping and his uncle was on so he never read it. At lunch time, for the last time this week, me and Anre/Brian went to watch and support Class of 2013 in the competitions....lisa and katie were in them. Ehh...I kinda ignored him at lunch too :l..I felt really bad so I started to talk to him in 5th. It was actually more painful then you would ever know. Knowing that he doesn't like me, knowing that he knows I like him, thinking that he knew about the IM [ but he didn't]...it had to fake smiles and stuff..it was really horrible...I felt all heart-achy...:l But then 6th period was really funn...we were suppose to study together for our verbal test on wed? but like me/angel/anh/bao and danny started talking about pickup lines and She The Man and cheese. xD. -sigh- good times.
"Hey! Do you like cheese? I like cheese! You like cheddar cheese? Yeah I like cheddar cheese cause you're the color of my favorite food!" :]
"What's your name? -says name- ______ is too long, can I call you mine?" :]
Two cute pick up lines...too bad some people don't get the first one like we do. Anyway, afterschool...we hung out in Wu's as usual...I was gonna go with Angel and stuff to the CLOC Banquet, but ehh when we got to the pool gate..kinda got scared and didn't go in cause we didn't want people to stare xD. Then later we went to hang with Jenny in the library...and I saw him in there. What a coincidence D:...I like see him everywhere, and by the time Angel/Anre points out that he's there..it's kinda too late -_-. Well then like after, we went to hang with Lisa, Katie, Timmy, Quan and stuff near the cook room so they could act for their God Project. Ends up later...he comes....ughh my life....sometimes I just wanna be happy...and I was..I actually liked it, but then he came..it just made me think about things and got sad again, but at the same time...I liked it that he was there and there wasn't anyone else he likedd there so I kinda got to have him "to myself". Not really. Ehhh but he kept trying to get near and like put his arm on my shoulder or like lean on me. Idk how to take that as..trying to be friendly? Feeling guilty for me crying? Liking me? Then once he grabbed me and Anre to take a pic...Katie took it for us -_- and like ehh I was trying to get away and so was Anre, but he kept pulling us back. Finally I gave up and took the pic, but I look hella ugly in it cuz I was making a face and pointing at him -No idea what was that all about but I look eww-. I look like shitt compared to him when I saw the pic just now...Then when it was almost 5...we left, and he tried to hug me. I stood in front of him like ..... and he had his arms out...I was like -punch jokingly- and I pretended to notice other things...he actually has abs..anyway...I didn't know what to do..I didn't want to be mean, but it was awk and I felt ughh. So I hugged him....I shoulda just ran away that instant, but I didn't :l. I like to hug him to be honest cause he actually holds me, but FUCK THIS SHIT. I'm so hurt :[...ughhh
Later on aim, I talked to him..at first it was really cute and stuff. I used some pick up lines on him, but not like straightforward cause I didn't want him to know more about how I feel so I was like...oh gennie told me this one and so forth..it was stupid, but cute. I really liked that moment, BUT every fricking time...I talk to him, Christy comes up. No offense...I don't like hate it....but it really shows me how much he cares about her. Okay, nevermind..I take that back. I do hate it. I hate it cause it makes me so jealous of how she can make him care so much about her that I feel like NOTHING compared to her. Seriously. I feel like she's so much better, prettier, everything is better than me. He really likes her or he pities her. IDK but it hurts. He always talks about her to me :l. I like that he can tell me things, but why always her? It's like stabbing me in the heart you know...:l
I just wish that things would be over..school would end [June23] and then everything would be alright. But it's not going to be...I know it. My life is like the shitt lol..It can be totally perfect or totally terrible...Once I get in a problem, it's like the world falls on me...everything just comes at me and hits me. It's good experience, but makes me so damn tired. So then we talked and we started to argure cause he wanted to isolate himself from all girls jsut to prove Christy...idk I forgot to prove her about what, but fuckkk I swear, he like loves her
-fml all over again
from that ugly chick ;[
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