Ehh
WTF. Okay, so I was typing everything out and a AD came up and deleted everything I wrote....basically to retell all I wrote in this hr was...I liked DL...I thought I did, but I was lying to myself. I only tried to keep liking was cause I did too much already...there was no more turning back because then it would all be a waste. But I had no feelings...
Anyway, the main thing about this post was that at the beginning of the year...I saw this guy and I was like, "Oh my, he's very cutee^^". Too bad I didn't know him so there was no point in thinking further....then next thing you know, he was dating my friend. I still thought he was really cute, but I forced myself to stop cause good friends don't check out your other friend's boyfriend. I don't want to be another Kim. So then I did, I kept telling myself, "I like DL. I like DL." I guess I was stupid....I actually thought I really did, but I never felt that burning sensation of missing him or wanting to see him 24.7...I never really felt like super giddy around him, only when my friends tease me, but that's it. Nothing more. Time passed, everyday my friend and him hug and all this crapp.....I shoulda known something was on when I felt so jealous, but I pushed it aside. I let it go. Then more time passed and they broke up. She broke up with him and like ...once we were talking...she said some things that made me feel like I shouldn't even like him at all cause ever since they broke up...we started to get closer and my feelings for him developed, but I still lied to myself. I still kept saying that I liked DL. There was no other guy for me except DL. But my friend...Idk how many times it's been that she's lied to me...she's put me down, she's disappointed me, but still I'm there when she's sad...so I figured what she said was a lie....it really hurt...But then I saw her with that guy that she liked at the beginning of the year...So I let my guard down...I got closer to him :l. My feelings grew. I fucking hated that. I knew he didn't like me....I'm just another girl next door chick...he probably still has feelings for her. I don't even know what to say.
Monday: Andrew told him I liked him and I faked it to say that I didn't. I hate him -_- I wasn't ready for any of that...
Tues: he didn't hang with my half the lunchtime like he usually did - I almost cried to Anre...No idea why. Andrew then again told him I liked him...-_- ASDGGgldf;k'L"
Wed: Like I said...major mood swings lately...I fricking hate it. idk what I feel. He hung out with me..kinda at lunch ;] ...we messed around...not girlfriend/boyfriend type, but I really liked it :]....-sigh- then afterschool I went with Anre to play vball with Liza...He was there so like it was pretty good? He tried to put his arms around my backpack when I had it on, but I got away....then later when I was tying my hair so it wouldn't get in my face...he hit the ball and it hit me on the head. Lol didn't see that coming...and he tried to hug me. SERIOUSLY WTF WAS WRONG WITH ME?!? I pushed him away...not the mad type, but the jokingly way...but still wtf was I thinking...I just like ehh..idk. Then later when I put my backpack on..he hugged it again o.o ...I felt all sticky, sweaty, and nasty ...I didn't want him to notice that so I tried to get away...didn't really happen :l. Everything was all good, but then his ex came. A wave of sadness jsut came over me...I didn't know what to do. I stopped playing vball...I wanted to shout out loud right then and there that I liked him, but of course I can't . I didn't wanna face the facts that I liked him anymore. I wanted him to just be without her...but I know that doesn't work that way.
I felt so jealous...I felt so alone. I always wonder why am I not good enough? Am I uglier? Stupidier? all those other things worse than her?....Tasi even said that it's sad cause I'm always second choice to her..ehh...idk anymore. I just wish he knew that I really liked him. I can't express it in 3 words for my feelings. I know he doesn't like me, but I still try cause that's just me. I want to give him that last reason..and I was today afterschool, but I didn't. I just want him to know already that I really like him. I wish he knew....I don't want to be like stalkerish...I just want him to know...Sometimes I wish on 11:11 just for you boyy...it's not gonna come true.
I just wish...
Anyway, the main thing about this post was that at the beginning of the year...I saw this guy and I was like, "Oh my, he's very cutee^^". Too bad I didn't know him so there was no point in thinking further....then next thing you know, he was dating my friend. I still thought he was really cute, but I forced myself to stop cause good friends don't check out your other friend's boyfriend. I don't want to be another Kim. So then I did, I kept telling myself, "I like DL. I like DL." I guess I was stupid....I actually thought I really did, but I never felt that burning sensation of missing him or wanting to see him 24.7...I never really felt like super giddy around him, only when my friends tease me, but that's it. Nothing more. Time passed, everyday my friend and him hug and all this crapp.....I shoulda known something was on when I felt so jealous, but I pushed it aside. I let it go. Then more time passed and they broke up. She broke up with him and like ...once we were talking...she said some things that made me feel like I shouldn't even like him at all cause ever since they broke up...we started to get closer and my feelings for him developed, but I still lied to myself. I still kept saying that I liked DL. There was no other guy for me except DL. But my friend...Idk how many times it's been that she's lied to me...she's put me down, she's disappointed me, but still I'm there when she's sad...so I figured what she said was a lie....it really hurt...But then I saw her with that guy that she liked at the beginning of the year...So I let my guard down...I got closer to him :l. My feelings grew. I fucking hated that. I knew he didn't like me....I'm just another girl next door chick...he probably still has feelings for her. I don't even know what to say.
Monday: Andrew told him I liked him and I faked it to say that I didn't. I hate him -_- I wasn't ready for any of that...
Tues: he didn't hang with my half the lunchtime like he usually did - I almost cried to Anre...No idea why. Andrew then again told him I liked him...-_- ASDGGgldf;k'L"
Wed: Like I said...major mood swings lately...I fricking hate it. idk what I feel. He hung out with me..kinda at lunch ;] ...we messed around...not girlfriend/boyfriend type, but I really liked it :]....-sigh- then afterschool I went with Anre to play vball with Liza...He was there so like it was pretty good? He tried to put his arms around my backpack when I had it on, but I got away....then later when I was tying my hair so it wouldn't get in my face...he hit the ball and it hit me on the head. Lol didn't see that coming...and he tried to hug me. SERIOUSLY WTF WAS WRONG WITH ME?!? I pushed him away...not the mad type, but the jokingly way...but still wtf was I thinking...I just like ehh..idk. Then later when I put my backpack on..he hugged it again o.o ...I felt all sticky, sweaty, and nasty ...I didn't want him to notice that so I tried to get away...didn't really happen :l. Everything was all good, but then his ex came. A wave of sadness jsut came over me...I didn't know what to do. I stopped playing vball...I wanted to shout out loud right then and there that I liked him, but of course I can't . I didn't wanna face the facts that I liked him anymore. I wanted him to just be without her...but I know that doesn't work that way.
I felt so jealous...I felt so alone. I always wonder why am I not good enough? Am I uglier? Stupidier? all those other things worse than her?....Tasi even said that it's sad cause I'm always second choice to her..ehh...idk anymore. I just wish he knew that I really liked him. I can't express it in 3 words for my feelings. I know he doesn't like me, but I still try cause that's just me. I want to give him that last reason..and I was today afterschool, but I didn't. I just want him to know already that I really like him. I wish he knew....I don't want to be like stalkerish...I just want him to know...Sometimes I wish on 11:11 just for you boyy...it's not gonna come true.
I just wish...
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