Thank guys, thanks a lot...
So three birthdays so far, celebrated, in a row. Fucking failures. I can't say I didn't have funn, yeah I did at times, but you know....when it's your birthday and you have to sit there and clean up the mess that everyone made....it makes you angry...and then your family doesn't help you because it was your choice to do it. Okay. So I don't mind not getting any presents from anyone...seriously....I actually like presents, but I don't need them...All I want is a nice birthday...even nicer would be my friends throwing me a 16th bday party...nothing big....just a cake and have friends there for me, it would be the greatest....and not have to worry about cleaning up after everyone even though it's MY damn birthday. I think thoughts count more than anything...
Anyway, but to think it's your birthday and then.....think about how they are so cheap as to not even like care. When I go to my friend's house...they complain and tell me not to mess anything up and I don't even think about it in the first place, but when it comes to my place...it's all different....the opposite....Is it like an exception or something? Fuck mann. I don't know how to even explain how hurt I get, but crying on your birthday....it's just sad. You know? No you don't know...it fucking hurts. It hurts a lot.
Lately, I've been losing people....a lot. I don't know why. I haven't been able to do or go anywheree much and all because of school....but you know what? I can...I can if they invite me, but I don't know...am I a stranger now even though you see me like every fucking day in school? Seriously? What did I do....? Tell me...if it's bad, I'll understand. I don't tell people much about me anymore because I can't trust anyone, but I always listen to other people's probs...and now it's like I don't know anyone. Everyone's changed and many for the worst. I feel so left out you know? I want to cry. I really do. Do you know how hard it is to be in a crowded room, but feel lonely? No, but it's the saddest feeling in the world....well one of the saddest feelings.....it's just like...watching other people have funn while millions of thoughts go through your head...telling yourself that they're not ignoring you or anything and everything is the same....but you just don't want to admit that it just really sucks and that you can't admit the truth that you are outcasted. It's worst than moving to a whole new place where you don't know anyone...At least you know they don't know you that is why you have no one yet, but to know that you have known these "friends" since elementary/middle school. It cuts deep. -sigh- My gray hair is starting to show again....noticeable too :l
Anyway, but to think it's your birthday and then.....think about how they are so cheap as to not even like care. When I go to my friend's house...they complain and tell me not to mess anything up and I don't even think about it in the first place, but when it comes to my place...it's all different....the opposite....Is it like an exception or something? Fuck mann. I don't know how to even explain how hurt I get, but crying on your birthday....it's just sad. You know? No you don't know...it fucking hurts. It hurts a lot.
Lately, I've been losing people....a lot. I don't know why. I haven't been able to do or go anywheree much and all because of school....but you know what? I can...I can if they invite me, but I don't know...am I a stranger now even though you see me like every fucking day in school? Seriously? What did I do....? Tell me...if it's bad, I'll understand. I don't tell people much about me anymore because I can't trust anyone, but I always listen to other people's probs...and now it's like I don't know anyone. Everyone's changed and many for the worst. I feel so left out you know? I want to cry. I really do. Do you know how hard it is to be in a crowded room, but feel lonely? No, but it's the saddest feeling in the world....well one of the saddest feelings.....it's just like...watching other people have funn while millions of thoughts go through your head...telling yourself that they're not ignoring you or anything and everything is the same....but you just don't want to admit that it just really sucks and that you can't admit the truth that you are outcasted. It's worst than moving to a whole new place where you don't know anyone...At least you know they don't know you that is why you have no one yet, but to know that you have known these "friends" since elementary/middle school. It cuts deep. -sigh- My gray hair is starting to show again....noticeable too :l
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