Dear LV,
(This is what I wrote to him just now)
I woke up early today. I'm so sore and tired from Spring Formal. I honestly wasn't happy at the dance. The guy I'm madly in like with was there. I bet you he could have cared less about me. I haven't liked anyone for awhile (time flies) and with him...When I saw him...I got more nervous. I hated the feeling because my breathing was so rapid. He probably just thinks of me as a friend though. Well I went home, showered, blogged, then slept. I dreamt of him and me. We were at this museum I went to for AP World. Then somehow we were at many different places and at this huge store. Throughout the whole thing, we got really close to each other. I liked it. A lot. He hugged me and held my hand and looked at me with those beautiful eyes of his. You know...he has one of the most wonderful smiles ever, where it's like "Wow". I fell so hard. My feelings could even be felt through this dream; it's crazy. He would buy me what I wanted even though I don't like it when people spend for me. And he protected me. I really like him. At the end, we were at this store and somehow the lights went out. I lost him. I ran out of the building calling his name. He came and we got outside. He acted like a friend and nothing more. No hugs. Nothing. I walked away with a smile though and then I woke up. I thought about how nice the dream was, but it's just a dream. Just a dream. Reality is...none of that happened. He cares about me, but he doesn't. I like him a lot, but I'm just the girl next door type for him. I'm sitting outside writing and it feels nice. Takes my mind off of him and my feelings. I wish he knew.
Yesterday, I had so many questions for you, but I didn't get to ask. I just couldn't put them into words. Plus, you had to leave. Is your ______ ____ nice? They treat you well right? Why do you like going out...is it because of them? Or do you just like to be out of the house? Why do you _____? You said you didn't like how your dad is, but you _____. That's very ironic. I hope you can stop because you kind of scared me yesterday. I also said to you I didn't know how to dance...Sorry...my excuse for not wanting to [not because of you...but the guy]. Well you might think ________ is okay now, but sometimes, you can't control things with _______/_____. I hope you know that.
Also, I know why now that I dont like telling people stuff. I get attached and I feel needy. I don't want to annoy you, but I liked the talk yesterday. I hope we can have more of that...even if I do cry...
I'm outside writing and cars see me. They drive by slowly and stare. it's kind of weird.
Love,
Anne Phung
Also, I remember yesterday...You said you just couldn't forgive the things your mom did. I've finally found someone who knows.
I like writing letters to him. I feel so old-fashioned, but it's nice. My first time I enjoy writing by hand and a lot too. My friends are starting to copy the letter writing. I bugs me a bit because no one does that until I began with him. I had to stop a lot writing the letter up there ^^^^ because I kept thinking of the right words to put down and stopping myself from writing something that would give me away. In the dream...how I put that I smiled and walked away...There was no actual smile. I woke up actually when I walked away and I wasn't thinking how that dream was nice in a good way...I just thought of how it's never going to be like that.
Also, I keep telling myself...Imagine he felt the same way as I do, but we just don't tell each other..
LOL my stupid life and thoughts.
I woke up early today. I'm so sore and tired from Spring Formal. I honestly wasn't happy at the dance. The guy I'm madly in like with was there. I bet you he could have cared less about me. I haven't liked anyone for awhile (time flies) and with him...When I saw him...I got more nervous. I hated the feeling because my breathing was so rapid. He probably just thinks of me as a friend though. Well I went home, showered, blogged, then slept. I dreamt of him and me. We were at this museum I went to for AP World. Then somehow we were at many different places and at this huge store. Throughout the whole thing, we got really close to each other. I liked it. A lot. He hugged me and held my hand and looked at me with those beautiful eyes of his. You know...he has one of the most wonderful smiles ever, where it's like "Wow". I fell so hard. My feelings could even be felt through this dream; it's crazy. He would buy me what I wanted even though I don't like it when people spend for me. And he protected me. I really like him. At the end, we were at this store and somehow the lights went out. I lost him. I ran out of the building calling his name. He came and we got outside. He acted like a friend and nothing more. No hugs. Nothing. I walked away with a smile though and then I woke up. I thought about how nice the dream was, but it's just a dream. Just a dream. Reality is...none of that happened. He cares about me, but he doesn't. I like him a lot, but I'm just the girl next door type for him. I'm sitting outside writing and it feels nice. Takes my mind off of him and my feelings. I wish he knew.
Yesterday, I had so many questions for you, but I didn't get to ask. I just couldn't put them into words. Plus, you had to leave. Is your ______ ____ nice? They treat you well right? Why do you like going out...is it because of them? Or do you just like to be out of the house? Why do you _____? You said you didn't like how your dad is, but you _____. That's very ironic. I hope you can stop because you kind of scared me yesterday. I also said to you I didn't know how to dance...Sorry...my excuse for not wanting to [not because of you...but the guy]. Well you might think ________ is okay now, but sometimes, you can't control things with _______/_____. I hope you know that.
Also, I know why now that I dont like telling people stuff. I get attached and I feel needy. I don't want to annoy you, but I liked the talk yesterday. I hope we can have more of that...even if I do cry...
I'm outside writing and cars see me. They drive by slowly and stare. it's kind of weird.
Love,
Anne Phung
Also, I remember yesterday...You said you just couldn't forgive the things your mom did. I've finally found someone who knows.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Most of the things up there are true, but at the same time...I have to hide the fact that it's you that I'm talking about. I want to tell you. I can't though because it's too quick and too soon. People ask me if I'm okay and I lie. People ask if the dance was fun and I lie. People ask me why I'm always heartbroken and I lie. People ask why I'm always busy and I lie. People ask why I don't want to dance in front of people and I lie. I lie so much now. I don't like it. People ask me who I like and I make them guess, going in circles, never ending. They won't figure it out. Only a few people managed to know now..I know I keep saying that this guy is different. It's true. They are all different. I just have stronger feelings each time. Why? Because I choose my guys carefully...or try to. I like good boys and everytime...my expectations become higher. That's why my feelings grow stronger if they can meet more of the expectations, but then after...The expectations get too high to handle. I like writing letters to him. I feel so old-fashioned, but it's nice. My first time I enjoy writing by hand and a lot too. My friends are starting to copy the letter writing. I bugs me a bit because no one does that until I began with him. I had to stop a lot writing the letter up there ^^^^ because I kept thinking of the right words to put down and stopping myself from writing something that would give me away. In the dream...how I put that I smiled and walked away...There was no actual smile. I woke up actually when I walked away and I wasn't thinking how that dream was nice in a good way...I just thought of how it's never going to be like that.
Also, I keep telling myself...Imagine he felt the same way as I do, but we just don't tell each other..
LOL my stupid life and thoughts.
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