I try

I try telling myself to move on, forget him, don't like him, you've lived life for a long time...you don't need him. I really do know that, but it's so hard. I knew it. I shouldn't have let myself go. I shouldn't let someone in because I never had someone there for me...so now that he's there..I feel weird. I don't know how to act. I don't know how to calm down. I feel needy and attached and I want him to be there all the time with me. Plus I like him....which makes it all the more harder. I know I have a ton of other people that care, but he's here. He can hug me. He listens. He understands how I feel. I know his secrets. He barely knows mine...and I feel like I should stop talking to him because I'm afraid of falling deeper. I don't know how it's going to be like. I keep telling myself that time will make things better and that he's just a friend. It's not working. I keep wanting to cry or throw up, but nothing comes out. Ugh.

Destiny..is there really any such things? I feel so sleepy. I'm sorry I keep talking about him. I refrain from doing so to others so I kinda need to let it out. I don't want to have people think I'm so attached and shiz. Plus I don't want to hurt anyone else. I just want to keep it to myself....-sigh- but at the same time...I don't. I want him to know. I want good things to happen to us, but I know it's not true. It's life and things for me haven't ever gone right relationship wise. I'm just extra weight on his shoulders...I can't be that. I can't be selfish..