It's not me

I knew it. It's not me. I just kept hoping that it was. I want to cry. Nothing's coming out though. That's one of the worsest feelings ever. To want to cry, but cannot do it no matter what. Now I feel sick, like throwing up. I'm doing stupid shit like singing and stuff to get my mind off of it, but it's still there. And I'm hungry. That makes it all the more worse, but I shouldn't eat because it's late. Fuck. Those sayings....being in a crowd, but feeling like you're alone. Being at the place, but knowing your heart is somewhere else. Expect the unexpected. Take a step in their shoes and you will understand. Love those that are in front of you and stop searching for those that don't care. Well what if you can't expect the unexpected? What if you can't understand what it is like to be in someone else's shoes? What if you can't stop searching and it's in our nature? If we don't know what there is in front of us until it's not there anymore? What if I like you a lot? Would you care? Feel the same? Or would you tell me you just want to be friends and that we should stay that way? Why do I go through all this trouble just for one guy? My chest hurts a lot you know? Why do you care so much? Why do I feel like I need you? Are you okay? You never called back so is there something wrong? Why do I care so much? Why do you want to know who I like so much? Why can't I say it? Can't you tell it's you? Isn't it obvious? I gave so many hints, but can't you see? What if I can give you that care? The love? The needs? The attention? Why can't you be the one? Why does it hurt to like you? It can't be love...can it? I never liked someone so much that it hurt, I think? I've liked boys and they've hurt me, but was it like this? I think not? But this feeling...I don't even have you and it hurts so much? I miss you...but do you miss me? What are these feelings that stab me so much? Can I have a chance? A miracle? Can it be me? Would you let me in? I haven't let someone in for a year and 5 months so could you possibly be it? If so...can I?