Crave
So I've been looking for an explanation so long for why I depend on boys a lot or why I talk about them so much more than anything else...well sometimes. But before getting to that...I don't know why, but I'm so awkward when talking to people. I just have NOTHING to say...like not in the mean way, but I'm just blank in the mind. I have no idea what I want to say next at times...and it's like I feel bad. Maybee I'm socially awkward o.o...sad lifee. So then this makes me feel as if people think I'm boring [which is probably true] or that I'm annoyingly weird....grr :P. I know I over-think things...but that's what I see it as.
Anyway, so I talk about guys...a lot...way more than I do about my family or anything to others. I usually don't tell people of my family life because it's pretty messed up...I don't open up easily with it...and when I do...I guess those people should feel special enough because you have to understand that I took all of my courage to just tell you...but after what LV did....I don't feel like I could tell anyone. It's as if...I tell someone and it means absolutely nothing to them...They would just want to know, but never out of empathy or something. People just crave secrets. I wish I could tell someone though, but it's too much of a burden. I would like someone that I could trust and tell it to and know that they care about me....I just feel like right now, there's people that care about me...I probably don't realize it much, but I feel like they don't like me as much anymore and are drifting away since we don't talk much now. I honestly sign on AIM everyday, but I never talk to anyone...it's rare for me to start a convo...it just means the person means a lot to me....but I don't talk to anyone much :P. But yeah...I'd like to have someone to talk to, but at the same time...they trust me too to tell me those personal things. I want something where we both share in the relationship and it's not just one side giving out...I want both. Is it too much to ask for? You know those stupid friends that tell you that you mean a lot to them, but you don't even know them that well or vice versa? It's so dumb...or when they like tell you that you are a good friend and a few days later...they don't even remember that you're alive? Well I use boys to cover up stuff. I don't like talking about family stuff so I occupy other's with boy stuff. It's good right? Apparently not. Some people think I talk about them way too much....I actually agree though, but I can't help it. It's been like a routine....ehhh well you get the idea. Sleepy. Goodnites.
Anyway, so I talk about guys...a lot...way more than I do about my family or anything to others. I usually don't tell people of my family life because it's pretty messed up...I don't open up easily with it...and when I do...I guess those people should feel special enough because you have to understand that I took all of my courage to just tell you...but after what LV did....I don't feel like I could tell anyone. It's as if...I tell someone and it means absolutely nothing to them...They would just want to know, but never out of empathy or something. People just crave secrets. I wish I could tell someone though, but it's too much of a burden. I would like someone that I could trust and tell it to and know that they care about me....I just feel like right now, there's people that care about me...I probably don't realize it much, but I feel like they don't like me as much anymore and are drifting away since we don't talk much now. I honestly sign on AIM everyday, but I never talk to anyone...it's rare for me to start a convo...it just means the person means a lot to me....but I don't talk to anyone much :P. But yeah...I'd like to have someone to talk to, but at the same time...they trust me too to tell me those personal things. I want something where we both share in the relationship and it's not just one side giving out...I want both. Is it too much to ask for? You know those stupid friends that tell you that you mean a lot to them, but you don't even know them that well or vice versa? It's so dumb...or when they like tell you that you are a good friend and a few days later...they don't even remember that you're alive? Well I use boys to cover up stuff. I don't like talking about family stuff so I occupy other's with boy stuff. It's good right? Apparently not. Some people think I talk about them way too much....I actually agree though, but I can't help it. It's been like a routine....ehhh well you get the idea. Sleepy. Goodnites.
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