11/10/11

          Yesterday, after school as usual, we played volleyball. I forget I ask him to come. He distracts me so much in school and in volleyball. I can play. I know it and I have improved on at least hitting it harder and setting, but whenever he's there. I cannot hit, therefore I don't try as much. I hate getting distracted from my plays. I blame it on myself and I beat myself up pretty hard for missing a hit or something. It's a terrible habit. I feel like I'm doing it again, pushing him away because he's getting closer to me, but at the same time I'm not. I'm opening up to him. Yesterday, everything went swell, but I have no idea why I just felt so sad after school. I had easy tests that I passed, but I didn't feel like playing and everything I hit was like with anger. I even got my ball stuck up on the tree all the way at the top and he had to go climb it. He couldn't get it though, but -sigh- everything he does, makes me think he's just so cute and such. The way he runs...it's pretty crazy. I don't care how fast other people are compared to him. I think he's clumsy and at the same time, swift. Haha, how does that even work out? I don't know, but he's always close to falling, but catches himself. I just think he's so cute. The way he catches everything, it's like he should be doing football. He should be in track, but then that makes me sad because he won't be free. He'll have practice and track season is beginning soon and that means that he will be at track during 6th and not in Wu's anymore. I don't like that he distracts me, but I like having him there. I just get comfortable and forget about things. I don't even remember to ask him for his number when I'm with him. Hence why I got it online, but I wish I could have gotten it face to face, but that probably would have never happened because I always forget when talking to him. I guess I have to learn to let go because he has his passion and I have mine. 

           Guys like sporty girls or just pretty girls. I can never be sporty, but I'm just working on making myself healthy. Hopefully, I get results, but as for now, there's just so little time to really work out. 

Anyways, last night I came home and I just went straight to my room. I cried and I really wanted to talk to him so I called him. We ended up sharing some secrets, and well...I just wish I lived in his apartment neighborhood. I would love it because it seems so fun, everyone's just there and like if I lived near, I could just go visit him anytime and stuff. Well things are meant to be how they are. I just remembered, he has a birthmark on his thigh in the shape of a heart. That's really interesting (:. We ended up talking for 2 hours/25 mins...dang.

          I like totally cried out so much, but I tried to make sense so I could tell him...I hope one day though, that he trusts me enough to open up too. I guess time will tell. I really like it that he's different, he remembers things other guys would most likely forget in days. It's quite nice to know that and the things we talked about...I plan on doing something for him on Christmas, but what? What to give him? I must ask Jonathan for help because I really want to make it special, be the first to give him something nice. I mean come on, when's the last time you did something for the first time? Right? So yeah I want to be special and I want him to feel special. Yes I'm very guy biased so those I like, but I mean, who's really been there for me when I'm down? Girls just are mean. I mean we all say we'll listen, but when it comes down, people like to talk about their own problems more than others, and with guys...it's different. They listen and they give. I just hope he doesn't leave me like others do and keeps his promises. He still needs to show me the art room and his almost finished wolf. I can't wait to see how artistic he is actually. I like it when guys have a soft side. 

          I couldn't help it and had to ask him today what he likes. Hopefully he doesn't suspect that I'll get him something.