Halloween

Don't chu ever have a time when you just feel like crying? Even for the smallest reason. Even when it's not true, but it's just your imagination?

I hate those times. I get so depressed &I cry too much. No one understands my pain because they've all got their own. It's just been so much stress in school...trying to keep up with all my A's. I wanna be anything, but the same, and I try to be different. I do what others don't &it's a good feeling, but sometimes I won't get credit for it in school. It really sucks. I currently have an A+ in English 1H, A in Bio, A- in PE, A+ in Geometry, A- in World Hist. H, & A in spanish. All those A's....yeah sounds pretty easy, but HS isn't the same as middle. It's so much more rigorous. Then there's family problems. I can't tell my baby oreo these things anymore :l because we haven't talked much and when we do, it's about happy things. I get so lost in thought of him, I forget all of my problems.

But then when he leaves, it floods back in. I have to say whenever he hangs up the phone, if not alot, even just a bit, I cry. All the stress comes on and it's hard when you can't tell anyone, you know? It's not like I'm being a baby...

Well maybee I am, but so what. My dad lost his other job, and everything has to be cut down a bit more. He still has a job, but I'm afraid it wouldn't be enough, especially with me in HS...having to be active &all. &it hurts to know that you have someone you love like there, but you don't want to bring them down...so you hide all those terrible things from them. I wish I could just tell him like I could before...but he's just "not there."

&I keep worrying he might leave me....it's scary. I just wish all my problems would go away. But mostly...I wish my baby oreo would talk to me again...let me tell him my problems.

It's so painful that it's making me crazy. I sometimes get that feeling...I just wanna ignore him. But I don't. &I'm holding on pretty strong, but it's a terrible feeling....Knowing that you have your love, but he's not there. He's so faraway. It's not anyone's fault that we don't live near, but it's just so hard for us. Not being able to even see each other...


I try pushing all this to the back of my mind. Erasing it. It doesn't work. I really need him, but I'm scared he might be with some other girl, not me. Sometimes I just think...why am I even having this go through my mind? It's so painful, but I can't help it. It's a girl thing. Every girl is jealous once in awhile, &every girl has doubts. She cries, but I'll hold on because I love him. &I have someone that inspires me.

Anyway, today at 3p.m. I'm going to the Nguoi Viet Center on Moran St. to help decorate for the Disney By Night [Halloween] Dance. At 7p.m. is when it starts and it ends at 10. So hopefully, I'll be able to dance the night away and forget my problems for awhile. That's it for now. Byee.