Feelings

           Sometimes, I feel like my feelings develop way too fast. It's been only 40 days from when my feelings grew, but  I feel like it's overloaded. I admit I liked you back in middle school. Well, I didn't like you, but I thought you were really adorable. So cute, and somehow I kept ending up with you, but I never realized it. This year, it finally hits me that there's this perfectly cute and honest guy here. His words of honesty might not be the sweetest, but it's true and I know he's nice. It's rare to find someone like that nowadays. I wish we didn't have so much homework to do. I actually really enjoy staying up late to talk to you on Facebook. I really liked it when you would just msg me "goodnight and sweet dreams (:" even though we weren't talking that night or something, but now I know you're stressed out. Just like how I am. I really care and want to push you so that you do better and thrive. I miss those nights just talking to you even though I should be trying to focus on my homework. I know that was only probably 2/3 weeks ago, but even just a day is long enough to me. I know I'm lame and that I probably won't ever be able to get with you, but I really wish you would notice me like that instead of just the girl next door type of friend. I always wonder if you think of me. Only like three people know who I like and well...it does kind of suck that I can't really express how I feel much because honestly....I don't really know how to say how I feel towards you. I kept telling them that I think you're really cute, but there's more to it than that. To me, you are perfect with all your flaws. I hope that it's true that you won't leave me because I'm so tired of having people walk out of my life. I hope you do keep your promise and just one day trust me enough so that you can open up to me and tell me things you won't tell others. I hope I'll be the only one.
           I love this new blogger design, ugh, it's beautiful and there's so many cute fonts. Anyway, I'm waking up again on the weekends thinking of scenarios that could possibly happen. It's been quite awhile. I usually just fall asleep and never am in the mood to create a story in my mind anymore. I want to go on parachutes with you. I want to hug you and give you kisses on the cheek and tease you. I want to have tickle fights with you and sleepover with you. I want to play hide and seek with you and run around in stores, doing weird stuff until we get kicked out. I want to take your breath away and see you smile when you're with me. I know how you are when you smile, and that Scooby-do like noise you make when you're confused. It's just so cute that I can't help, but laugh every time you do it when you get confused. I love helping you with math, I guess that's the only way we really are talking, and I hope we keep talking, until you just talk to me because you want to, not because you need help with math. I want to go to the beach with you and take long walks on the beach and run around taking pictures and what not. I want to show you to all my friends and play with your hair and be able to just stare at you for no complete reasons. One thing I would love to do is have you close your eyes and let me feel your face. It sounds so weird, but I remember reading a book in elementary and it was about this boy that meets a blind girl and that's the first thing they really do. She touches his face because she can't see him (obviously). I don't know, but I find that really ....there's just something about that that makes it seem so soft, cute and sensitive. It's like...falling in love with your eyes closed. Loving the person for their flaws. I want that completely. I want to have an adventurous time with you, but why deny this. I do want a love story type of relationship with you too (:. I'd want to go to dances with you and just dance the night away as if no one was looking. Then sing songs with you even if we can't sing well because that's how much I love hearing your voice. It's different and my instinct always tells me to look for you in the crowd even though I know you're probably not around. I love it. I love every bit of you, and I know it's so quick to say, but I haven't truly loved another in awhile. I haven't completely left out others' flaws and just fall in love. And this time...I know it hurts to fall for someone, but I'm letting myself fall and it's working. I'm trying not to think about the bad things because you're not even mine and you don't even know I exist in that kind of way.
           I hope I can step out of the friend zone and for you to see me. I know you're attracted by looks and that if you aren't attracted then you would not have any feelings for the person at all. I know as much as that sounds like you go for looks, but you don't. I just want to be that girl that makes a difference in your life...it's just....would you let me...? Such a hopeless romantic at heart, but nobody knows.
           It's pretty sad...that when I talk, not many people listen. They can hear me, but then have to ask for me to repeat again because they missed it. That's how invisible I can get. I just don't want that anymore. Be my change. I know I don't need boys to be happy or have confidence. I am confident. I love how I am. I just want for this to make my life even better. I want to have something where every other girl has. I always see friends getting into relationships, and I don't care if they suck and don't last. I just want to be in one...with YOU. As much as I can't see myself in a relationship, I want to be in one with you. I want it because I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of friends telling me about how great their relationships can be. I'm tired of how horrible people can have such a good life and I'm stuck here worrying everyday whether my parents are going to live the next day or not. I just want to have someone where I can trust and be my complete self with.
           "Please don't be in love with someone else." - Taylor Swift, Enchanted