Life with "friends"

Such great friends I have. To say mean things and not even care if it hurt another person's feelings or made them cry. What if it hurt so badly that I were to kill myself? What would happen? You don't even give a damn and just said Kay. Wtf does that mean? Seriously? It's so unfair how he gets a good life while I'm here, pretending to be happy, actually I am genuinely happy most of the time, but I also have many problems in life. Just because you joke doesn't mean you can say anything at all. It's called verbal abuse and you're abusing your privileges. I think I'm a very strong person considering all the problems I've gone through, I have held my head high and stood for what I believe. I just don't know why I can't just be happy for once without worrying about school, family, when I grow up, college, friends, boys, etc. I just want to be happy. I just want to live. LIVE, not exist, TO LIVE. To do what I want to do and just do it because it makes me happy, not because I have to survive. I don't want to exist on Earth only. I want to enjoy my short time on this Earth, not cry about things because people love to bring me down. I actually do tear up a lot, but I don't cry a lot. I hold it in because I don't want to give the others the happiness of seeing me down.

I'm going to push myself away again because I'm so hurt. People are horrible, boys just don't like me like that. I'm just tired of trying for everyone.