Jealousy
I don't even know how many time's I've written about jealousy, but I bet it's been a lot....just woke up and I feel like it's going to be a good day [:. Well I hope so with all this sleep I get.
Dad's been getting worse...you can tell it in his cough. Sometimes I just sit and look at them and wonder what they were like when they were young. I know they tell me and they have their own obstacles and hardships, but I wish I really knew how it was like...I look at them now and I'm so afraid. No one really understands. I think the biggest thing I fear other than the unknown, the dark, and ghosts is losing people. I mean I say I get used to people walking out of my life, but I'm not. I think everyone is special in their own way, unless they like really just gave me a horrible impression. And it's hard to love everyone...when you do, it's hard to love yourself. I do though, and I'm proud to be who I am, but school has been so stressful and tiring that I just don't even think about anything else. I forget about all my problems and stress out way too much. It's like every single day, my stress level is so high. It's like I'm just waiting for that one day where I break down, and I'm surprised I haven't yet, considering what happened two summers ago. Two days for a weekend isn't enough. Time just goes by way too fast and there's no time for breaks. I miss messing around with my little sister and brother and laughing with them. Now, I just see them growing up as my parents grow older and I just fear that I'll lose either one of them soon...
People tell me that it's going to be okay and that I should think positively. They don't know how much I try. They don't even know a part of me. I have been trying all my life, especially with being the oldest...technically...bet you didn't even know that I have an older step-brother right? Sometimes life's just not easy and sometimes, it just doesn't get better. It just gets more rigorous and you just have to deal with it and get used to it. There's no way you can tell me it will get better if something happens to either one of my parents. Just no way. They are like the biggest part of my life. I get that sometimes they annoy me, but I don't hate them. I think after knowing what it's like to feel alone and then having your parents not trust you when they were the ones you depend on most as people that could be with you, you start realizing, they do things like this and lecture you because they love you. -sigh- I try to change my world before anything else, but it's just hard to manage.
Great, another moment of reading something I shouldn't have. I should just stop liking him
There's never going to be a chance for me anyway
Dad's been getting worse...you can tell it in his cough. Sometimes I just sit and look at them and wonder what they were like when they were young. I know they tell me and they have their own obstacles and hardships, but I wish I really knew how it was like...I look at them now and I'm so afraid. No one really understands. I think the biggest thing I fear other than the unknown, the dark, and ghosts is losing people. I mean I say I get used to people walking out of my life, but I'm not. I think everyone is special in their own way, unless they like really just gave me a horrible impression. And it's hard to love everyone...when you do, it's hard to love yourself. I do though, and I'm proud to be who I am, but school has been so stressful and tiring that I just don't even think about anything else. I forget about all my problems and stress out way too much. It's like every single day, my stress level is so high. It's like I'm just waiting for that one day where I break down, and I'm surprised I haven't yet, considering what happened two summers ago. Two days for a weekend isn't enough. Time just goes by way too fast and there's no time for breaks. I miss messing around with my little sister and brother and laughing with them. Now, I just see them growing up as my parents grow older and I just fear that I'll lose either one of them soon...
People tell me that it's going to be okay and that I should think positively. They don't know how much I try. They don't even know a part of me. I have been trying all my life, especially with being the oldest...technically...bet you didn't even know that I have an older step-brother right? Sometimes life's just not easy and sometimes, it just doesn't get better. It just gets more rigorous and you just have to deal with it and get used to it. There's no way you can tell me it will get better if something happens to either one of my parents. Just no way. They are like the biggest part of my life. I get that sometimes they annoy me, but I don't hate them. I think after knowing what it's like to feel alone and then having your parents not trust you when they were the ones you depend on most as people that could be with you, you start realizing, they do things like this and lecture you because they love you. -sigh- I try to change my world before anything else, but it's just hard to manage.
Great, another moment of reading something I shouldn't have. I should just stop liking him
There's never going to be a chance for me anyway
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