Christmas &the Day after

Recap of the last few days...it's been quite much. I'm suppose to be helping my mom clean-up right now, but I haven't gotten the chance to write much in awhile and to even get on the computer today cause the one I usually use is being fixed from a virus. Christmas was pretty funn and all I guess....truth to be told. No not really. My family, my grandma, and I went to China town to just look around &shop for my lil cousins' presents. My aunt Diana gave me $50 :D woohoo....my aunt Vivian gave me a red jacket, but I guess she doesn't know my size cause she always buys me clothes that are twice my size...I mean...she bought the jacket, it was cute, but the size was XXL...I'm like o.O...the hell? How am I suppose to fit that...ends up my mom is getting it &I don't even think it's going to fit her. Oh wells...then I technically didn't get anything from my parents either because my dad brought us a pool/airhockey/ping pong table like a few weeks ago as our "present".

So it was kinda awkward to talk to my grandma and all now...when I was younger, I used to tell her everything..like literally...if my parents fought, I always went to her...but now it's like I don't even know her &it's scary to speak up. -sigh- Losing connections here..

Then we went to eat Pho &headed for China Town...up there, I spent $17 on 2 traditional chinese shirts...it was really cute :] sooo you're going to be seeing me wearing that on Chinese New Year. It's pretty funny...whenever we're up there....you see a lot of people bargain; it's so ridiculous...anyway. So my Christmas wasn't the same as last years....not too exciting :l but when I got home...started to like chat with people on AIM...to others that I usually don't talk to everyday &it was funn...I got all hyper and stuff..so yeah, that always makes things funnier. I was talking to Sang &all of a sudden I thought of calling him when it's 12a.m. to tell him Merry Christmas, but when it hit 12 he typed Merry Christmas to me before I got to call...Sorry, lmfaoo I was like "yeah sure w.e." to him &then I called him, but he didn't pick up [first time calling him too]....so I IMd him saying "hey did your phone just ring?" Lmfaoo...how obvious-er could that get....tried to make it a surprise...and gladly he wasn't thinking too well since it was late so he didn't know it was me until he went to go get his phone xD....Then when I got to say merry christmas...I hadn't planned what to say next sooo it was really really awkward xD.

Well...I stayed up till 12 p.m. to wait for Christmas...nothing special...When it was 10 p.m. for me, I called Anthony to tell him Merry Christmas...mann everytime I talk to him...I have to like say "Go to sleep already!!" I hate having to be like his mom or something, but it's really late and he's still up playing maple -__-" ayahh. Well then after 12:20 ish I went to sleep...

Now....let's see what happened yesterday...it was Sat....and I was planning that today I was going to go to the block with friends &maybee even meet Jordan...However, change of plans came...I called Jordan at like 8:30 ish p.m. &he was in Vegas! Lol, I was soo surprised...cause you know...I planned to meet him tomorrow for the whole morning and now he's in like Nevada....Oh wells, so then I called Jessica so I could go to the block with her, Tasi, &Lauren on Monday...:P Mann...life kinda sucks...then later Jordan calls back, but I missed the call and he never replied when I tried to get back at him. Yesterday night....I just all of a sudden decided to sit all alone in my room and watch the stars [glow in the dark ones xD]...so I turned off all the lights and closed my door &turned up some music...Then my little sister came in...sister to little sister bonding time yah no?......and then we were just talking until I got to the song "I love you" on my phone...My heart started to hurt :l &it was quiet so I got into the song...I realized I was really sad &that I missed my baby oreo a lot.. so I wanted to call him all of a sudden.

I had to make my little sister go outside and all just to call him &I did. He was busy though...not blaming him for being busy...but when he hung up I teared up &I just kept replaying the song...I really do miss him a lot :l People think it's just easy to give up someone when it's easier said then done. I don't think I even make sense right now, but it was just so painful....I kept thinking about how he tried so hard to play that song for me...and now it's like "just another song" in his life.

And remember Vincent? He led me on :l ...I don't really like him...We're just friends &that's good, but I hate for the fact that he tries so hard to prove everything I think is wrong. He says I'm complicated..I know I am, but that's what makes my life so much more interesting then some other people. He says I'm weak....I HATE that word...I never wanna hear that I'm weak...He says that I cry too much when he's only heard me cry once...mofo. Anyway, I will not ever cry and let him hear that again cause I wanna show him I'm nowhere near weak. Well, then later Anthony called back after he went home.....It was all good, but ended up not so well...I literally did cry this time &I'm sorry I broke my friend's promise...not to cry anymore, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to shout to Anthony &say I'm so hurt do you know that? Do you understand that I miss you so so so much that I can't even understand to start to explain?...and all these other things...but I just couldn't put the words on him

Like always...I hear his voice and everything just melts away....I can't stay angry, mad....anything. It sucks because I just wanna tell him everything straight out, but I hear his voice and it's like all gone...I have no idea what to say anymore. Soo...yeah..Idunno, I have to go eat now so BBL to write more

[long blog, I know..bare with me :l]

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add on at 9:34 p.m.

Finally got the chance to go back on and add on...Well where was I....Even on AIM it's hard to tell him everything because I don't want to hurt him or make him sad...and I make things sound easier to make him not feel bad when it's actually worse...Like right now I'm ignoring him because he read this post when I told him not to :l...and yesterday when he hung up...he said he was going to call me. I left him a voicemail right after telling him not to.....but you know....when a girl says "nothing"...it's not nothing, it's many things....when a girl says "I'm ok"...she's not. When I say I don't want you to call...I do unless there's that hint in my voice that means I'm totally serious, but no matter what....to a girl....even if she tells you not to call or something...you should because that shows that you care for her and you actually want to hear her. Got it? Okaies....and if you can't get to her...keep calling...at least try three times..."3" shows that at least you tried &sometimes she's just waiting to see if you care enough to call that much more for her. -Sigh- Sucks cause I'm sooo used to always checking my phone every time I get the chance to...just to see if he called, but it's pretty worthless. Another tip for the guys....no matter what day or time of the night, you're always welcome to call your [girl] friend. Like for me....I wouldn't mind if you called at like 3 a.m. in the morning if you need me or if you're bored or something...I would be like ehh cause I'm sleepy, but if something's wrong, I'm there 24/7....thing is...does HE even think about calling me when he has problems...so whatevers...

Tomorrow..going to the block with Jessica, Tasi, and Lauren...hopefully it'll be funn, but I know it will because I get to spend a day with people I love to be around :D. That's it for tonight...g'nights :]