Why?

Why can't I be with him..?

Now I'm trying my best to let go, but I can't because everything reminds me of him.

We did so much together and all those happy moments are stuck in my head. I'm listening to Last Christmas by Cascada &I just want to have a new start since a new chapter has already begun since that Monday when I heard the news, but I can't forget about the past. I keep looking/thinking back to it. I know he loves me, but my head says otherwise...

I know he cares for me, but I feel otherwise..

I just want him back.

Hopefully this Christmas, I'll be able to let go. Then on New Years, I'll restart a real new chapter because I know I still need A LOT of time to heal and mend. However, I can't promise anyone or even him, that I'll get over him by then because it takes time. &it's not easy to "un-love" someone, once you fell for them twice...right isn't it? Idunno...let's just hope I won't cry anymore, that's all. &it would be nice if someone popped up at my house or by my room's window on Christmas or New Years...would be really sweet of that person<3.

&it would make my 14th Christmas really memoriable..

-Sigh x's ten-

it's so gloomy this week...doesn't help my mood at all.

I miss that boyy.

There's a gigantic hole in my heart, it really hurts right now. &there's no one there to fix it like there used to be. Even breathing hurts. Rather take no breaths &end up dying, but being able to be with him than taking a gazillion breaths to know I can't be with my love.