Flashbacks &Goodbyes

Let's flashback to July 27, 2009.
Why? This is the day that changed everything, that made a big difference in my life. This is the day that I met my baby oreo. I remembered when we first talked....I enjoyed it because it was so interesting and funn and it was different...how we met. At that time, he was taken &had some problems...through these times we got close as friends because he would tell me his problems and I would do my best to help even though I had no idea how to make him feel better. I would joke around a lot and use my cheesy pick up lines xD...I have like a ton of those :]. I remembered when I told him some of those lines...the cheesy ones, but the sweet ones...I would always say jks at the end, but in my mind I really felt that I ment what I said and I wanted to take the jks back, but that's too weird so I didn't. By this time, I really really liked talking to him. He was sooo different from other typical guys, funny, &interesting and this was barely like a few days.

Next thing I knew, he told me he had feelings for me...I was like utterly speechless and flattered, but at first I thought he was joking and I kind of laughed it off, but it wasn't a joke :l. He wanted to know if I had any feelings back for him, but it was only a few days that we met so I wasn't sure if I should have told him I kind of liked him a bit. So I didn't tell him anything. Whenever he asked, I would just say "Idunno" or "I can't tell" and "I didn't say that [answer yes or no]." I didn't tell and left his question unanswered because I wanted to give myself time to be positive that I really liked him :l...but then things happened and I DID realise that I don't kind of like him.

I liked him a lot....and I was constantly jealous of the things that came next. Well...that "like" became something more over a short period of time....it hurt me a lot during these times &i fell pretty hard for him. It's like falling off of the tallest building in NY at like 200 mph. Only having a few seconds to realise the truth before hitting the ground and staying there forever..never being able to get back to where you were before because you've already fallen too far.

Well before all that happened....whenever he would say goodbye or go off, I would always feel like something's missing...I had no idea what that ment yet. &I kind of wanted him to stay back and talk to me, but he had to go so yeah :P. Lol...well you can tell I love to express myself >.<. Even back then.....from the start....I had feelings for you, now that I think of it. I don't know if we're ment to be and all that crapp that people say and not mean it, but I just knew that you were very different and special....and no matter how we ended out, I wouldn't want to lose you....I would hold on even if it was the last straw between us because you are someone I couldn't imagine of. This reminds of another special &unique person: JohnL :]

He's crazy random/strong/funny/&weird. I just met him too kind of...well met him for ALONG time already...just barely got to know him now. He's also a very different guy...not the typical type. I hope that he finds his someone special soon....because he really deserves a nice girl to share his feelings with and not those "pimps" full of lies >.>....Anyway....John. I know you read this not to pass time or because it's about you or something &I appreciate that a bunch. Hah, you're a friend that I won't be able to find like in a long time from now &we need to meet soon xD.

Back to the main topic...back then and until now....every time my baby oreo says "bye" or something like that...my heart really does hurt...haha...how do I describe that? My heart just got stabbed....it's gonna have an attack....it's being beaten up and pulled out. That's how it feels whenever it happens. It sucks &I don't ever want him to leave, but duh we are all busy and it's not like he can be with me forever so you have to say bye some time.

For example - Last night he told me to call him and "wake" him up so he can do his homework...I woke up at like 8 and I did call him, but he was already awake. How the short silences in between felt was scary and we said bye quickly and I hung up so fast too....I had the feeling :P and how he spoke hurted so I just hung up :P Anyways....I should be going to finish my SAT list #dos for Eng....so byebye.