So it's finally Friday
I am so full. My dad took the fam out to eat. Wedding in two weeks. My friends want to hang out next weekend and also for me to go shopping with the boys for HomeComing. I want to buy a dress for HC and wear that for the wedding too. I want something like Betty's blue dress. When I wore that dress...I felt undescribably beautiful. I knew I had curves. People told me I had an hourglass shape. I didn't really believe them until I wore that dress. It showed everything and I couldn't help to grin. I couldn't hide it. I realy want something like taht, but not $70. I feel afraid of dying. You guys know that? Because then what will happen of my family? My dreams? I tell myself that sometimes I wish I could just go blind. I don't want to see all the horrors of the world, but really...if I went blind. I would be sad. I like to travel and see beautiful sights...that's a goal for the future. I can't see how I look or how other people look and just imagine...not being able to see anything...to see if anyone is backstabbing you or something...it sucks. I don't want that. I hope my eyes are okay. I love singing too. I don't want to lose my voice. I sing with Keem because she wants to do a video...but I'm not really up for that anymore. Why? She has a really strong voice...it overpowers me. I can barely sing loud...I would need a mic. I feel like crap compared to her. Ehh.
I wish I could play guitar like Trung and be good at piano too. I'm tired. I can't sleep yet though. I sing sad songs.....I can't even cry anymore. My little sister....I need to talk to her more and hang with her. Idk what's wrong with her but she keeps feeling sad and crying..I don't want her to be like me....nothing to do and then just end up feeling depressed...esp at age 10 is not good at all. I need to help her through it. I don't want her to not be able to do anything. I hope it's just her boredom...and nothing more...like harrassment at school....or .....who knows what else..I would severely damaged the fucker if you get what I mean. I hate my hair. It's dead...before people couldn't tell, but now you can because it's so dead. I'm not dying it anymore...I don't care if you see grey hair....fuck it. I'm going to straighten my hair less and I'm going to do whatever it takes to be better.
I wish I could play guitar like Trung and be good at piano too. I'm tired. I can't sleep yet though. I sing sad songs.....I can't even cry anymore. My little sister....I need to talk to her more and hang with her. Idk what's wrong with her but she keeps feeling sad and crying..I don't want her to be like me....nothing to do and then just end up feeling depressed...esp at age 10 is not good at all. I need to help her through it. I don't want her to not be able to do anything. I hope it's just her boredom...and nothing more...like harrassment at school....or .....who knows what else..I would severely damaged the fucker if you get what I mean. I hate my hair. It's dead...before people couldn't tell, but now you can because it's so dead. I'm not dying it anymore...I don't care if you see grey hair....fuck it. I'm going to straighten my hair less and I'm going to do whatever it takes to be better.
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"Girls dress up for girls, not guys....if it were guys....we might as well all been naked."
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