You don't know what you have until you're close to losing it.
I feel so hopeless and unhelpful...I just wish I could help you soo soo much. I really do. You probably don't want to hear people say I understand how you're feeling especially when they don't go through such a thing like that, but I have. Weeks or a month ago, my mom was like having a heart attack? She went straight to the hospital. My dad has work everyday from 8a.m. till who knows....10 or 11 p.m. or later...I felt really terrified/scared/&alone in the world. No one knew how it really felt to have....the person who gave birth to you, having to go into the hospital...dying anytime...leaving a family with 3 kids behind that aren't even capable yet of living on their own. I didn't dare complain or cry to my dad because I knew he was having bad times too &other things to worry about. And I had a few people to talk about it with, but mostly all they could do was say "I hope she'll be alright" or "don't worry, everything's going to be ok." I know they tried to help, but it didn't work. I had to take care of my little sister and brother, take my lil sis to summer school, do things I never would have done before that I depended my mom on for, and stay strong. I cried...I couldn't help it. I felt so lost, but I thought about it. I want my mom back &I'm willing to do whatever I can to help &show that I want her back. Things were okay until my aunts/uncles/grandparents started to talk to us....well me. They practically insult me and yelled at me saying that I don't do no shitt to help, and all I could do was sit at home &be on the computer. They don't know what I do everyday since my mom was in the hospital &that I'm all tired out, but I still try to be strong because I need to take care of my lil sis and bro. I bite my lip to keep from crying, and then at night...my lil sis is sleeping with me &its quiet. I turn around to look at her and I see her crying silently....normally I would have broken into tears, but I bit myself. I had to be strong &keep control of myself because she needed me strong, not weak &down. I told myself I have to keep going &I tried to comfort her. She finally fell asleep and so did I. The next night, before bedtime she cried again. I asked her why, she wouldn't tell me &I kept asking...I got angry &impatient after half an hour because I was tired out from cleaning and doing everything. I kind of yelled "WHAT'S WRONG." She finally told me &it broke my heart. She said, "I don't want you. I want mom, I want mom to take me to school."
I said, "Okay." &I just left because I couldn't cry in front of her. At the time, all I could think was...all she cares about is mom...she doesn't love me at all....I'm trying my best...doesn't anyone know?
I want to say that week was the worst...my mom came home safe though. But there's no doubt one day it'll happen again &that time...I might not be so lucky...&you know what hurts even more....my mom thought I did nothing at home &yelled at me and my younger siblings said nothing to defend me....I didn't talk back &this time I cried silently at night alone. It's no use trying to explain. Not only was my mom in the hospital that week...so was my grandma. She went to visit my mom &was so....afraid? She fell &hit her head. Stayed in there as well. In the end, I was glad they were both okay.
&well, you see? I do understand....&I'm crying. I'm crying for me, but mostly really for you. I really want you to know that I had no one with me....but now you have me. You have me to the end no matter what and it hurts, but you got to be strong. You have to believe that she'll be alright. That she'll come home okay and fine. &I know I can't do a thing...not even be close enough to give you a hug, but I'll share your pain....I'll go through all those tears, every bit, like you do. But please don't cry....it breaks my heart to know that you are crying. I'll be praying for her as well &wish for you to be okay too. No one wants this to happen, but it's life....&people do leave our lives...but just know I'm here whether it's through thick/thin/cold/hot/w.e...I'll be here; I will always have my phone on for you to call if you need. You just have to keep believing....like you always tell me, "Believe it" -words of naruto. &I'm sorry I don't know what else to do. I really wish things will be okay for you. You won't be alone.
-your twinkii
I said, "Okay." &I just left because I couldn't cry in front of her. At the time, all I could think was...all she cares about is mom...she doesn't love me at all....I'm trying my best...doesn't anyone know?
I want to say that week was the worst...my mom came home safe though. But there's no doubt one day it'll happen again &that time...I might not be so lucky...&you know what hurts even more....my mom thought I did nothing at home &yelled at me and my younger siblings said nothing to defend me....I didn't talk back &this time I cried silently at night alone. It's no use trying to explain. Not only was my mom in the hospital that week...so was my grandma. She went to visit my mom &was so....afraid? She fell &hit her head. Stayed in there as well. In the end, I was glad they were both okay.
&well, you see? I do understand....&I'm crying. I'm crying for me, but mostly really for you. I really want you to know that I had no one with me....but now you have me. You have me to the end no matter what and it hurts, but you got to be strong. You have to believe that she'll be alright. That she'll come home okay and fine. &I know I can't do a thing...not even be close enough to give you a hug, but I'll share your pain....I'll go through all those tears, every bit, like you do. But please don't cry....it breaks my heart to know that you are crying. I'll be praying for her as well &wish for you to be okay too. No one wants this to happen, but it's life....&people do leave our lives...but just know I'm here whether it's through thick/thin/cold/hot/w.e...I'll be here; I will always have my phone on for you to call if you need. You just have to keep believing....like you always tell me, "Believe it" -words of naruto. &I'm sorry I don't know what else to do. I really wish things will be okay for you. You won't be alone.
-your twinkii
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