Last night and what not
Last night I couldn't sleep...I fell asleep at 12 till 2:50 ish...then tried to sleep...it was like 4 till I think I fell asleep...Then Anre called at like 7:30...ehh so only had like 5-6 hours of sleep. Not enough for me T.T. Anyway, let's talk about last night :)). I don't really know what happened, haha...it happened too quick. One minute was this and the next I had to get off so everything was a blur. So I didn't get to talk to him yesterday as much cause we were probably both busy. BTW, I finally nailed "Grateful to have met you" on the piano without knowing how to even play piano :D - great accomplishment. Haha, not that great though. Okay anyway, so I started thinking like...oh I wonder what he's doing. I also remembered that I caught myself. I told myself to shut up xD and stop thinking that and to stop missing him because when you start...it's hard to stop and ehh feelings "develop" XD. So yeahhhh....I worked my butt off on the song and stuff, trying not to think about anything. Kind of worked....
Then, I scanned my little picture I drew for him. I think it's the cutest thing ever. Not drawing wise...I didn't take the time to make the lines nice and all...it was like whatever Dx. It was the words that were cutee. I really wanted to do that Justin, lol...I remember, but I never did and I'm glad I haven't. I want to say it to him, but he already knows it so wtheck. So it was like 9 something when we finally got to talk...I was nagging him on his video cause he wouldn't tell me what he was doing/singing for me. I'm gonna get like pout lines for pouting too much xD. So then I changed the subject and started telling like what happened yesterday. My brother fricking brought in a moth to my room when I was going to sleep and I screamed like no other. LOL. It was horrible, cause I didn't know or else I wouldn't have reacted soo much. Then he finally shows me the video :D and omg. I was like..............................so happy with tears in my eyes. Happy that he would take the time to do this and the song was cutee too :D. However, he didn't really sing..well he did, but the song was over it...I kind of wanted him to sing though...ehh oh wells, maybee one day :). I even shared it with my mentor xD.....ahah geez....it's just cause no one's ever done a video for me so that's new ^^.
So then we were talking about guitar lessons? And other stuff that I would make him teach me o.o. Lol, oh wait.....I told him Vong wanted me to make a video and I think he got jealous? Or he just wanted to be special and be the only one I'm making a video for....either way....that's so dorky x) ahah. So back to the lessons.....I don't remember what he said exactly, but it was something like.....what would you want to do ....doesn't have to be something you don't know......And that whole time...I was like wth o.o LOL, I don't know D:......then it was 11:11 p.m. and we made a wish. Well I know I did....it's practically the same one for a couple of times already and I think it pretty much will be. He always askes for what I wish for, but I'm not telling :D cause 1) It won't come true D: and 2) It's about him xD. Usually at this time, I have to go....I didn't though....I kind of pushed it and my dad was kind of yelling. I wanted him to tell me what he wished for and what he meant by something I know or else I wouldn't talk to him. He only told me what "I knew"..lol which was so cute, but I have a hard time believing it since I had to read it quickly then shut off my computer in that instance D:....I wish he could retell me...ehh.
Other then the not enough hours of sleep....I went to sleep happy with a smile and I woke up for the first time in awhile with a smile :). Yeahhh boy hehe^^.
If he ever knew....he's in for many surprises :D cause Anne isn't simple. She gives out a lot too...maybe this is why a lot of people make me a pushover -_-, but it's okay...it's good to help :).
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Kissing......what's wrong with not kissing before??!?!?!?!??? It's like a sin to you guys or something D:? Stop complaining...Just means I'm still a lip virgin technically :D. Lmfao. He said I knew this, but apparently...no I don't. I don't know how to kiss at all you guys...it's a sad fact xD. I find it quite interesting...to kiss, but (LOL) I kind of freak when it comes. Like that time...I pushed that guy away...Okay, I'm just going to use his name...I pushed Dylan away...like 3 times...it was bad ahah. I really didn't like him. I went to the block with my friends and he told my friends to leave so he could do that. HAH, he ended up not getting anywheree....sounds mean, but he can't just force me to kiss him. He literally like grabbed my head, lmfao, it was horrible. I think I'm one of those girls that don't get used to intimate moments unless it happens a lot...D: So yeah, it doesn't happen a lot to me. I don't really want it to either. I like to do things when it's just right.........he said he would want to, but even so if I did...I wouldn't know how :(. Argg, that's not good right? Since like guys would feel rejected and stop trying? Ehh fml sometimes Dx.
Anyway....he also told me that "everything you do is important" :). Thanks...it means a lot to me, but I'm so done with everything...I'm scared of being hurt is what I'm trying to say. I don't want to like you, but I know I want to at the same time. I don't want to fall again and get hurt, but at the same time I wanna take a risk for you. I pay attention to all the little details about you so that you know I care. I just don't want to get false hopes, high expectations, jealousy, and what not...you know what this feels like right? Please don't hurt me thenn.....Ali, he told me he knew, but he ended up hurting me anyway. I want to give up on guys, but I know thats a difficult task to do for me. I fall quite easily, but I mean everything I do. Last night, I might have had a smile on my face....but negative thoughts were also there.
I can't help to think...arg, he's just saying this. He's probably said it to other people before -jealous-. He didn't even put the video dedicated to me...does it mean it's for other people too? Ohmy. See? This is horrible lol cause I have the worse negative feedback ever...and sometimes, it stops me from doing things. I also thought...ehh first kiss? He probably kissed a bunch of other girls already and it would mean nothing to just kiss me.....cause doesn't every guy want to be a girl's first and every girl wants to be his last....isn't it true? I think it is. I'm just overthinking things...ehh. Tell me this is wrong. Actually no...prove it to me.
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Right when I woke up, I went to listen to his video...I truely do like it a lot - love it more even. I went on formspring and someone put "I love you. <3". That's very sweet and it made my day so far :). I responded with "I like you :)" because...I don't want to say Ily until I absolutely mean it and can't hold it in anymore. I want the three words to be filled with meaning. I want him to know how I feel even if I don't say I love you. Yeah comprendo? Okay :). So that's my reason guys...for not saying it. Well I think this is enough for today ahah, hope you enjoyed reading...Goodday :).
Then, I scanned my little picture I drew for him. I think it's the cutest thing ever. Not drawing wise...I didn't take the time to make the lines nice and all...it was like whatever Dx. It was the words that were cutee. I really wanted to do that Justin, lol...I remember, but I never did and I'm glad I haven't. I want to say it to him, but he already knows it so wtheck. So it was like 9 something when we finally got to talk...I was nagging him on his video cause he wouldn't tell me what he was doing/singing for me. I'm gonna get like pout lines for pouting too much xD. So then I changed the subject and started telling like what happened yesterday. My brother fricking brought in a moth to my room when I was going to sleep and I screamed like no other. LOL. It was horrible, cause I didn't know or else I wouldn't have reacted soo much. Then he finally shows me the video :D and omg. I was like..............................so happy with tears in my eyes. Happy that he would take the time to do this and the song was cutee too :D. However, he didn't really sing..well he did, but the song was over it...I kind of wanted him to sing though...ehh oh wells, maybee one day :). I even shared it with my mentor xD.....ahah geez....it's just cause no one's ever done a video for me so that's new ^^.
So then we were talking about guitar lessons? And other stuff that I would make him teach me o.o. Lol, oh wait.....I told him Vong wanted me to make a video and I think he got jealous? Or he just wanted to be special and be the only one I'm making a video for....either way....that's so dorky x) ahah. So back to the lessons.....I don't remember what he said exactly, but it was something like.....what would you want to do ....doesn't have to be something you don't know......And that whole time...I was like wth o.o LOL, I don't know D:......then it was 11:11 p.m. and we made a wish. Well I know I did....it's practically the same one for a couple of times already and I think it pretty much will be. He always askes for what I wish for, but I'm not telling :D cause 1) It won't come true D: and 2) It's about him xD. Usually at this time, I have to go....I didn't though....I kind of pushed it and my dad was kind of yelling. I wanted him to tell me what he wished for and what he meant by something I know or else I wouldn't talk to him. He only told me what "I knew"..lol which was so cute, but I have a hard time believing it since I had to read it quickly then shut off my computer in that instance D:....I wish he could retell me...ehh.
Other then the not enough hours of sleep....I went to sleep happy with a smile and I woke up for the first time in awhile with a smile :). Yeahhh boy hehe^^.
If he ever knew....he's in for many surprises :D cause Anne isn't simple. She gives out a lot too...maybe this is why a lot of people make me a pushover -_-, but it's okay...it's good to help :).
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Kissing......what's wrong with not kissing before??!?!?!?!??? It's like a sin to you guys or something D:? Stop complaining...Just means I'm still a lip virgin technically :D. Lmfao. He said I knew this, but apparently...no I don't. I don't know how to kiss at all you guys...it's a sad fact xD. I find it quite interesting...to kiss, but (LOL) I kind of freak when it comes. Like that time...I pushed that guy away...Okay, I'm just going to use his name...I pushed Dylan away...like 3 times...it was bad ahah. I really didn't like him. I went to the block with my friends and he told my friends to leave so he could do that. HAH, he ended up not getting anywheree....sounds mean, but he can't just force me to kiss him. He literally like grabbed my head, lmfao, it was horrible. I think I'm one of those girls that don't get used to intimate moments unless it happens a lot...D: So yeah, it doesn't happen a lot to me. I don't really want it to either. I like to do things when it's just right.........he said he would want to, but even so if I did...I wouldn't know how :(. Argg, that's not good right? Since like guys would feel rejected and stop trying? Ehh fml sometimes Dx.
Anyway....he also told me that "everything you do is important" :). Thanks...it means a lot to me, but I'm so done with everything...I'm scared of being hurt is what I'm trying to say. I don't want to like you, but I know I want to at the same time. I don't want to fall again and get hurt, but at the same time I wanna take a risk for you. I pay attention to all the little details about you so that you know I care. I just don't want to get false hopes, high expectations, jealousy, and what not...you know what this feels like right? Please don't hurt me thenn.....Ali, he told me he knew, but he ended up hurting me anyway. I want to give up on guys, but I know thats a difficult task to do for me. I fall quite easily, but I mean everything I do. Last night, I might have had a smile on my face....but negative thoughts were also there.
I can't help to think...arg, he's just saying this. He's probably said it to other people before -jealous-. He didn't even put the video dedicated to me...does it mean it's for other people too? Ohmy. See? This is horrible lol cause I have the worse negative feedback ever...and sometimes, it stops me from doing things. I also thought...ehh first kiss? He probably kissed a bunch of other girls already and it would mean nothing to just kiss me.....cause doesn't every guy want to be a girl's first and every girl wants to be his last....isn't it true? I think it is. I'm just overthinking things...ehh. Tell me this is wrong. Actually no...prove it to me.
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Right when I woke up, I went to listen to his video...I truely do like it a lot - love it more even. I went on formspring and someone put "I love you. <3". That's very sweet and it made my day so far :). I responded with "I like you :)" because...I don't want to say Ily until I absolutely mean it and can't hold it in anymore. I want the three words to be filled with meaning. I want him to know how I feel even if I don't say I love you. Yeah comprendo? Okay :). So that's my reason guys...for not saying it. Well I think this is enough for today ahah, hope you enjoyed reading...Goodday :).
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