Was Strong

I was strong. I could have been the strongest girl you've ever seen. If you really knew. I didn't break down as much. I loved life. I loved people. I loved myself. Even if I didn't I was so good at faking it. Now....I'm not. I'm the weakest you'll ever see me at. I don't know why I'm still here. I'm hurt. I'm depressed and Idky. I need help. I need someone to tell everything to, but no one understands. I want to cry and I do. Like every fucking day. Waste of make up. Waste of tears. My eyes hurt. I try to go out and be happy....still end up crying later. I like someone I shouldn't. As always. Does anyone know this? I like him so much, but it's just repeating again. I know he's losing interest. Why can't he just leave me already and go like my friend...I'm so insecure. I don't know, I just don't. I sat there in the morning....at like 6 and cried then went to sleep. I ate breakfast and I cried, but I stopped. I can't take it anymore. I'm sitting here now and every so often. I tear up badly. I don't know whats up. I stare at my hands. Some people have like the bestest hands ever...Little creases on them, but I? I have like too many to count. Even look if you ever want to see. People say those lines "tell your life". My life seems like shit with so many obstacles.

Everyone's giving me advice. I appreciate it, but that's not the point. I'm just sad and depressed. I'm not okay. I'm not alright. Nothing is never nothing. I'm so wrong. I'm so sad, okay? Why is it so hard to understand. It's getting harder for me to fake things. I wanna just break down and I don't even know when. I can't stop it, barely. I don't know how to tell people what's wrong. I don't want to go to school...I don't even want to try. I was suppose to do so many things, but I give up. I don't want to like him. I don't want my mom sick. All these crap. Still won't sum up why I feel this way. I seriously want to stop existing.