NO ONE UNDERSTANDS

I feel like complete crap. I see no beauty in anything right now. I do actually, but I feel horrible. I want to cry, but I can't. It feels worse than when I could cry. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to just give up. I want to just stop trying. I kind of want school to come so I could pour all the crap on me so I don't have to think about HIM. I feel so much hate and love towards him. I don't want to love you. I don't want to like you. I want to stop. I can't let go though. Sometimes I know I should, but I can't...I think that's the only reason why I'm like this ~ you. You're the reason, but I don't know. I want it to end. I can't believe this is happening to me...no one can. No one can believe that a strong girl could come down to this...I can't either. I want to cry...I really do...let it all out, but nothing's coming out. I just wish people knew, but they don't underestand what I'm going through. IT'S NOT A DAMN SIMPLE "I AM FUCKING SAD". It's I am depressed and I don't fucking know why and I'm so frustrated in myself I just wanna pull out my hair. I know I gotta keep going though because I still have many things I haven't done..

___________________________________

I wish:

• I could play guitar and piano well
• my mom would feel better
• be happier
• see AnthonyL/Ali
• see Kristen/Aron
• someone would throw me a surprise birthday party
• I could have a nice sweet sixteen, but I know I'm not gonna
• I could have the best prom ever
• I could love myself more
• my friends could pitch in money and buy me a guitar...I really want one, but I can't afford to buy that esp with my mom like this...they wouldn't do that anyway
• I could find the right one soon so I don't have to feel so insecure
• I could meet justin bieber [haha]
• the world could be better
• everyone didn't have to fake smiles and actually smile
• I could make a difference in people's lives
• I could go see a sunset
• I could end this depression or w.e. it is I'm feeling
• To be prom queen on my senior year